My face is a betrayer!!

He’s been gone for 4 days and it hasn’t been terrible..

He’ll be gone for 2 weeks at the end of Jan and Feb.

He texts me such positive texts in the morning..

I read them and say you too..

To be honest I’d like another day.. another week..

The kids sure do miss him.. I can tell by their mannerisms, but they’ve been kept plenty busy since he’s been gone with school and all.

He knows.

I read this Thought Catalog

http://thoughtcatalog.com/rania-naim/2016/01/10-ways-children-of-divorce-turn-out-differently/ 

I came from a divorced home and I didn’t want any of this.. however I saw my brother feeling torn. Both of my parents truly loved him and I saw how he felt he had to be in two places at once.

Anyways I don’t want my children lost like that… but as for my healing going gluten free hasn’t been terrible.. but I’ve got to find a better balance in eating more veggies and fruits..

and drinking water. I have the worst eating and drinking habits.. not that I eat fast food, or drink soda.

Just I don’t eat regular meals and when I do eat it’s ALOT.. like 1/2 a box of Cheerios things like that..

And when I drink it’s black coffee, water, tea, milk.. but sometimes I just don’t drink until I’m dying!!!

Of course we all know I’m not going to die… but good grief.. I am water abundant and could I just take care of myself.

Sweet Change..

Anyways after this I am going to grab my water, cancel our Sams Club Membership and stretch.. going to try out this new app called Sworkit..

And try to relax.. he’s coming home.. I’d love to have sex.. and I enjoy his company..

I guess I don’t like the tension when I don’t really feel the need to interact with him.

He says he loves me and I know what he means and I love him too.

Just not that way. I don’t appreciate everything about him anymore, and I’m not excited about being his wife.

Granted I’m not disgusted.. I’m just MEh.. about the whole deal..

And I’m not sure how to deal with that..

Seeing his face still makes me smile.. and sometimes I don’t want to smile, but my DAMN face refuses.. I mean refuses.. to not..

And I have a big face.. and strong cheek muscles from laughing and being amazing..

and I don’t know why my face betrays me like that.

Was watching Dr. Who with the boy and one of the characters said “Well you can’t really be done with him if he still makes you angry.”

And Charles still has a way.. wait nope..

I have a way of re-acting to Charles.. I still smile when I see him most of the time..

Like yesterday we Facetimed about the kitchen sink and I saw his face. And be damned I smiled.. and I thought to myself stop smiling!! WTF!!..

Listen face!! We were just bummed about putting the kids through the hypothetical divorce you want and we Facetime him about the dam sink and you smile.. why!!

Face be damned!! I swear!

With all of his How are You’s?? Can’t wait to see you? Is there anything that you need? Can I get you anything?

Sometimes it’s hard to be mad at him and sometimes it’s as easy as finishing a package of Oreos.. 🙂

 

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4 thoughts on “My face is a betrayer!!

  1. Same. Sometimes, I’ll say things back as a habit… like, “Love you too!” when I’ve just been thinking how devastated I would NOT be if he drove as shittily as usual on the way home, with freezing rain, and died in an accident. We’d be all set. The difference, however, is that W isn’t really a good dad… he just keeps his irritation about doing stuff as a family more under wraps. They’d miss the idea of him I created for them, not HIM. He’d be that great dad who died too soon. But as far as missing out on things with him? They wouldn’t be… he hasn’t really participated until recently and it’s getting significantly more sparse, the further we’re removed from D-day.

  2. I thought I was the only one that felt this way….thank you!!!! I feel so indifferent at the moment, just riding the wave I guess, waiting for something to push me one way or the other. I am just not sure how long it will go on.

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