I write..

You know in the beginning of finding so many of my fellow betrayed..

It kept me busy

It made me not feel so alone

and I felt like people knew how I felt

but I have to say I wished  someone posted alot more.

Because sometimes I was just waiting for someone’s new post anyone

And I follow a few blogs like in the 200’s

But most don’t post that often, decided to quit

And the ones that do? 1 is a power blogger and posts all the time funny things, his life

One is called Dream Big Dream Often

Entrepreneur blog

Faith Blogs

But far and few between betrayed..

Which is probably a good sign.

So if you’re new at this betrayed part find some other blogs funny blogs, blogs that help you find new dreams, or that you can still dream

someone that posts everyday if you are just tuned in all the time like I was.

Charles is gone tonight and all is well.

Still gluten-free

We talked about the distance today

And both decided as long as we are following God and doing what needs to be done for our family. house, budget, kids, and ourselves

We are moving forward not as a couple, but as a family and to be honest it doesn’t suck that much

Started Mark Driscoll’s book Real Marriage. I started it before D-day and just thought all those marriage books were stupid after..

But I guess I feel healthier now and I’m choosing God’s peace and joy for my life.

That I can read these books and find how my relationship with Charles will proceed.

How do I know what a healthy relationship is when I put up with his crap for so long?

When I fell head over heels in lust, worked for love, worked to honor the commitment I made to this family. What happens when you focus on yourself and get healthier?

I always wanted to be better than I was.

Starting websites, dreaming up new goals, pursuing a degree in who knows what,

Looking inside at me..

But I take it too far.. sometimes being too insightful can lead to feeling like you have to fix so much of yourself.

Apologize for so much.

I won’t go back there again and apologize for not being the spouse he needs, or even wants.

I will not apologize for being who I am ever again.

I will not second guess the things I want because of how he feels.

Wow.. pretty bold statements..

I wonder what I will think of them tomorrow. 🙂

Till Next Time

NH

 

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11 thoughts on “I write..

  1. NH, like you, I find myself searching for betrayed’s blogs, and especially for the positive posts. It’s discouraging when those posts thin down and are less frequent, whether they are happily living their life & no longer feel the need to write, or if things have taken a turn for the worst, and they no longer have much positive left in them, as in my case 😔 what I love about reading your updates is you have kept it real, good and not so good, and you, yourself are growing and maturing. Thank you for sharing a little slice of your life.
    ☀️

    • Awe we sunshine I remember ready your post and going wtf??? Take care of yourself whatever it takes (ok maybe not whatever don’t go taking a bat to Tenant or the apt door like Jack Nicholson!! lOL!!)
      Don’t forget to smile you are designed to😊

      • Ugh it ended before I could say I feel like I am reiterating what many told me and sometimes I would get tired of hearing well reading it.. Our support system would comment take care of yourself be good to you
        And sometimes I just would glance over the comment because I didn’t know what that looked like or I was too (insert any all unpleasant emotions) to care
        But looking back I am so thankful they took the time to write those things to me.

      • I shouldn’t be so harsh on myself I remember feeling so excited finding a new post from anyone Of my support group and sometimes I would be so sad and look for one but none to be found seems silly to me but this place got me through some rough patches
        Hope you are doing well SW ❤️

  2. Hey you… still here… still reading about you all. Nothing new to add so keeping quiet. Things at home are still fine. I am still devastated by my husbands betrayal, I still can’t fathom why and how he did it ad what the fuck he was thinking. He is still putting in the effort but like you I have days where I’m kinda just blah! about it. I still love him but a huge part of me died when i found out about the pit faced whore. Moving away has helped some but to be honest there affair happened everywhere but the city in which we lived so there are a lot of placed that are tainted with the whiff of whore. The London Eye still really pisses me off and I see that bastard everywhere LOL!

    Last year I decided was going to be the year of me… 2014 was the year of WTF did my husband do! And 2012 and 2013 were the years of my husband doing WTF he did! Anyway I am now more focused on me. I am planning on having bariatric surgery… that initial 30 lb weight loss helped but I’m still not happy so I am, hopefully, a few weeks away from having a gastric sleeve! I need shed this weight once and for all… it doesn’t help that the pit faced whore was, according to my husband, tiny! Hopefully our marriage will survive… apparently a large percentage fail once the weight is lost and the person who looses it realizes they could have done a whole lot better LOL! Maybe I’ll fall into that category, maybe I won’t, but if I do, at least I’ll have a rocking new body LOL!

    So there you have it, that’s what I’ve been up to… trying to look forward but still looking back. I think I always will, I’ll always look back with a tear in my eye, wishing things could have been so different… if only my husband had managed to keep his dick in his pants and his tongue out of the pit faced whore!

    Here’s to the new me… and the new you! Wishing you all the best my friend xx

  3. I am indebted to the betrayed spouse blogs, but like you, I also follow other regular old life blogs, travel blogs, food blogs, etc… Balance is good. Being a betrayed spouse sitting behind a computer screen can get mighty lonely. For me, the key has been really accepting who I am, but also knowing there are so many things I can work on being better at, and also fun new things to explore that I have never done. I am really thankful that I am now getting to that place where I feel like doing stuff again. 2014 is a blur. 2015 mostly a nightmare. I have high hopes for 2106. Do you feel better gluten free? I am on the Whole30, so no grains, sugar, dairy, etc… People have told me they thought my problems were dairy (allergies, tummy problems, etc… ). Well, I have been off the dairy for a solid four days now and still have the allergies.
    Boy do I miss melted cheese… My son says it takes longer than that to rid our bodies of some of the side effects. I don’t know. I’ll have to keep looking for the source, or just learn to live with the allergies. Anyway, I try to keep writing because I like writing. Yeah, don’t apologize for who you are. 🙂 ❤

  4. I find that I can’t concentrate on other blogs about mundane, funny or “normal” posts. I guess I’m still too sad to even entertain the idea of shiny, happy people. I don’t know what I would have done if the whole blogging world hadn’t been opened up to me. It really has been a good thing for me.
    Think what you want to. It doesn’t matter if it echoes what you thought yesterday…it matters that you think at all.

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