Okay so I told him.

He paused his video game and looked at me while I told him how I felt about him,

this whole mental assessment deal, that I don’t trust him.

And after I was during my ranting I could see facial expressions.. some sad.. some not so sad and when I was done..

I think I ended up at the end telling him how are we supposed to live like this??

And like usual I felt defeated.

And he stood firm

That God wants us together and we take it day by day.

He said he wants to be there for me and will go to any appt. that I wanted him there for.

Sometimes I wonder if the crazy person in my head wants to fuel the fire and mess with him just for the sack of my own rage..

To shake his firmly planted feathers and fuck with him..

Which is so stupid..

Just because I am feeling sorry for myself doesn’t mean I need to go all bat shit crazy and stir the pot with Charles.

Something I learned over the weekend..

I need to be aware of my pity party’s and remember that I don’t need to feel safe with Charles anymore or romanticize about what I used to have.

I forget that.

What will happen is I will look forward to exploring more about me no matter what a psych. tells me.

I will Make the best decision for me and I’ll be okay..

Whether I have someone on my arm or not..

I forget I’m a warrior.. and capable..

Today has been nice sewing our couch with Charles our kids are seriously tearing up our leather couch at the seams.

Relaxing day for sure..

Thanks for the support and comments..

They sure do help..

❤ NH


3 thoughts on “Relaxing..

  1. If you have to make yourself try to be happy or “comfortable” there is something wrong. It should be natural. Maybe it will come in time. At least he says he is willing. That is actually…huge.

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