Bouncy House and a heavy heart

We are avoiding each other again.

However I texted him I am grateful that we both can smile and laugh. I remember a time where I couldn’t I was too broken.

Too lost.

And I don’t wish that for him or Kendra.

It’s true.. Do I still see both of them as enemies to exact revenge upon sometimes..

But I’m working through that.

I told him maybe one day God will make it crystal clear when we can part ways or why we suffered through being together.

Because we have some pretty amazing kids and yeah they know when Mom and Dad aren’t doing well.

Sometimes I wonder what example we are giving them?

I hope they find a love that truly loves them and doesn’t fall for lust to consider a mate.

I am feeling quite hopeless as to why I have to deal with Charles in my life and why he will be in it always whether divorced or together.

I am resentful today, but not letting that take over. I can still laugh and smile and know God has a plan for my life and while I do not know exactly what that is I will stand firm that I’m doing the best I can to live what I believe.

Show God’s glory through me and shine brightly for my kids and for the world. I don’t know how to help Charles and i have no intention on slowing down for him ever. He’s his own man and no matter what I do or have done his life is his.

Now it’s time to get Squish ready for the bouncy house.

I worked out at Zumba for an hour and 29 min at home on Mon. 4 min. yesterday just doing some exercises.. and last night I found my firestarter to my TurboFire workout program so now I’ll have a routine. πŸ™‚

Every little bit helps me to transform me.

More movement than before that is for sure been tracking my food on Instagram and it’s quite helpful and the people I have been following is the constant encouragement I need.

I also love pictures!!

Well off to get Cray with Squish πŸ™‚

Also I have not had a period since Nov. I’m kind of worried I’m pregnant but how can that happen with vasectomy husband and could I really be that small percentage?? Also I’m random with periods but never this random

Time will tell..

I saw the Dr. cut the lines..

I will buy a test just to be on the safe side anyway..

❀ NH

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3 thoughts on “Bouncy House and a heavy heart

  1. hmmm… well if you are in the small % and do end up pg… it was just meant to be, u think? And if you are pg – then somehow, someway, you should try and “let it go”, accept your husband now, forget who he was, and try and build a new future with him…yeah?? I know its hard. Shoot, I haven’t been able to move passed it yet, not fully anyways, so who am I to talk. Like we both have previously stated – we got hit with the double whammy beings as our husbands were effing our so called “friends” (not just some random whore we didn’t know) so its even that much more effed up. Good luck girlfriend – keep us posted.

    • Oh T.. doubt I will ever let it go not for A LONG time.. Books told me that she was like I’m thinking about 5-10 years and I was like say what?? It could have been longer.. but I’m pretty sure she would be correct.
      I spent 13 years loving a complete douchebag
      1 yr living with the stupidest douche I ever met in my life
      almost 1 yr understanding that this man I married is without doubt the man who I will be attached to until he dies..
      Literally divorced or not.. We built this family on our own terms and we do well together coparenting and the like.
      As of May 2016 I will have been married for 15 years.
      Before affair I would have been making plans to celebrate our 20th.
      Now I’m just making plans to celebrate my life daily without his stupidness dragging me down..

      Sometimes I wonder does he forget the stupid remarks I had to put up with after affair?
      That shit doesn’t just go away?
      He sure acts like it sometimes and I’m pretty sure it will ALWAYS piss me off.. Now to what degree I am in control of that.

      I’m getting better.. probably not letting go LOL! Not sure if that’s a good or bad thing.

      But I’m not sure how I will react if I am..
      Probably happy I’ll get to have another shot at having a baby without a jerkface for a father.
      He’s more attentive and seems to get how much I’ve carried this family through his bullshit.
      While he isn’t the man I want to be married to.. it is what it is and we’re here kicking stones..

      Least it’s not at each other right?

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