In all of this I’m not sure where to give.

Or what’s healthy..

But I don’t know sometimes.. and call me as batty as the lame brains who fall into a false reality..

but hear me out..

When we joke.. we used to always joke.. have fun with each other.

These past two year’s..

I have the the CRAZY backing me sometimes.. just waiting for him to say something stupid.. or after he speaks.. to be like did this MF just say what I think he just did??!!

Oh hell let’s put up the ponytail and take this in the backyard when the kids are sleeping..

Now granted Charles still says some dumb things..

Nothing like the stupidness I had to hear after trickle truth, denial, rationalizing all of his stupidness in word form to me, dumb things like I did love you, and I wanted to do nice things for you.. I wanted our marriage to work.. GAH.. while you are playing hide your dick with Kendra oh STHU you self-centered, egoist!! You do things for you! Just be honest about it! FUCK..

Yeah I don’t hear those dumb things anymore.. Thank the Lord..

Anyways we were joking around.

He’s playful he takes a coat hanger and taps me with it.. I look at him and say No means No.. seriously.. he taps me again and he’s just being playful..

I feel like I’m in one of those observation studies.. or in some sort of narrative..

Where Charles does something or says something

NH can either do A. smile and play nice or B. lose her shit and say listen reformed ho-bag I’m not taking shit from you ever again, so uhh.. we only play playful when I fucking want and how I want! Got it.. good..

And I deal in extremes..

Also I deal with high-stress.. just wound up.. and I’m understanding all of that and trying to feel that.

So maybe him tapping me on the shoulder  with a plastic hanger, or him joking around telling me something I needed is close to him

when it really isn’t. He just wanted me close to him..

Isn’t the time to pull the you fucking just can’t tell the truth ever!! Can you.. or can you respect what I said?? No because obviously you think you are fucking cute with the hanger right right!!!! ROAWWWWRRRRR!!.. (picture a fierce Samoan lion with a big black mane I know the mane’s are guys… and I know lions cannot be Samoan just go with the picture okay LOL!!)

I’m having a hard time finding my boundaries..

Can I just smile and have fun with him.

But it makes what we are doing feel like old times..

And fuck if I ever want to go back there…

Or maybe that isn’t the avenue to take..

Anyways.. that’s on my mind lately..

Oh and the b0y went on another wrestling trip to another island..

My heart.. I think I shall always miss my kids in the aspect of how much each one of them grow my soul and I feel something so different with each one, but love them all the same..

Well off to take a shower day 2 of Turbo fire.. kicking my butt

In a great way

And on the pregnancy bit.. haven’t taken a test yet.. really don’t want to waste the money.. not that we’re in financial trouble.. just I think I know the answer is no..

But then that worries me.. so what is my body doing??

❤ NH


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