I remember taking a shower with him.
The one who I thought I knew and sometimes I look at the empty side of the shower and remember he isn’t coming back.
I think I get stuck sometimes feeling lost in what I felt for him.
And as sick as all get out I miss him.
I miss what I used to have
Yeah I know he was an asshole
But he was mine and not to self condemn but I can be a completely selfish bitch with the worst sort of tunnel vision ever
But he was mine I sincerely learned to love him worts and all
I believed he could see the good in me too.
Clearly he cannot
And if he does now I don’t care.
I remember So vividly of how I loved him and how we used to be
Now I feel like a fraud being happy with him because it must be my own delusions that allow me to feel anything but in love with him
I remember smiling at him and seeing him smile back
I remember feeling so ever fortunate to have in front of me the love of my life
To hold him and never want to let go.
I’m not sure if processing these thoughts are good for me or not
Suppose it keeps me locked up in what I had not what I have.
Because I do have healthy children, money in the bank, an amazing assortment of friends, I can laugh and smile
But someday a I miss him so much and my heart feels so torn.
I long for the days I never feel this way again.
And the memory of him is so far gone that I can breathe and say I have come so far and that chapter shall not be reopened because I really don’t remember
Maybe I miss being in love
Maybe I miss not having a woman I thought was my best friend
Off to pray and relax the thoughts are haunting today so are the memories