He’s a traveling

And a bit of my heart sank as he kissed me good-bye through the window.

For some reason I thought I could no longer care for him doing what we do over time.

But I feel I do.

Emily and I went to Safeway to pick the boy up some chicken wings I was supposed to make some but time got away from me.

And I could feel different.

I would miss him.

I do now.

I suppose some would say It’s time to let go and just feel it. go with it. You miss him.. okay fine that’s an okay thing to do.

But I don’t think it’s okay at least not for now.

And I wonder maybe if it is.

Is it okay to fall in love with a man again? especially him?

I’m okay with not wanting to shed blood anyone’s ever..

I’m okay with smiling, having sex.

But I’m not okay when I start feeling for him again.

I’m not sure why, probably time and I don’t trust him..

I don’t trust us.

Like I said I don’t think we are stronger for this mess that we seem to be cleaning up and salvaging.

I don’t think our relationship is better..

Maybe it is and I’m too crazed to know any better..

Well.. off to go wake up Squish that baby thinks she can fall asleep at 5pm at night..

No no baby.. not on my watch..

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