At a spelling bee

The first thing I have done in a long time on a whim.

Just wanted to explore the activity I’m sure I will bomb on my first word but never know.

$5 to go and the kids are home and I’m blogging I feel so strange like I’m breaking out of what I used to be with Charles. 

I texted for prayer today as I struggle with the divorce ideation.

Looking at my life how I pined to spend time with Charles and loved that company 

That I don’t need his company.

I will be fine on my own without him and jobs are scarce here but they lack qualified people here and that’s why I think I could get a good job here at least making 20-30 an hour.

But am I making a decision too harshly am I over emotional? 

Suppose no need to rush anything or decide anything but I am more leaning towards that now that he’s gone but you know me it’s only been a week.

Like Kat I want someone I’m with to love me, pursue me, take all of me in and someone to be with that I believe in.. 

I wonder if that is a load of crap though..

Am I shooting for some pipe dream?

I’m glad I have my phone I should have brought a book.

I hav missed my independence it’s quite scary and exhilarating at the same time.

I know I know it’s a spelling bee not divorce papers, a date, or any huge step 

But it seems like it is for me 

To just breath in my aloneness and just rest 

The bee is running late..

I might not even stay but I came and tomorrow is VD so if I’m not on tomorrow happy VD everyone❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️



2 thoughts on “At a spelling bee

  1. VD just coming to a close here NH. And I am so old I still equate VD with something else entirely 😉. But something that is now entirely linked to the contemporary meaning of VD for me! Life is a box of chocolates. And I sure don’t need chocolates right now 🍬

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