Selfish..

And no not Charles right now.. Me..

I know don’t fall out of your chair..

But this week Charles has been gone and I’m just fine.

Kids miss him but we move on, have fun without him and are just plugging along.

But can’t really call Squish a kid right now.. is she?

I mean she’s 2 1/2 and all she’s ever known is her Dad being around.

And now he’s not.

And no one even really mentions him. I mean he can’t Facetime during the week and sure we call each other, but not really.

I mean I think there was a few days I just didn’t call. Put kids to bed, we did our thing and went for another day.

Boy, Em, and Bell they get it..

Squish not so much and I didn’t even really think about it until now.

She is the one that runs to her Dad and screams with glee when he gets home.

The other 3 don’t, including me.

Somedays I’m not sure I even want him around.. but you know who does? Squish..

Before affair we used to make a big deal him coming home. I would get excited and the kids would play into that.

Now? Meh? He’s home whatev’s..

But Squish still turns it into a big event..

Anyways so today I was talking to Squish he can Facetime now that he’s back in a city for a bit, but he’s going back tomorrow..

So Squish asks me to play dolls and I say yes, and let’s get your Dad and she says “He has to come back to my house to play dolls”

“He’s not here”

And through the week I have heard her mention her father, but briefly playing dolls or when she’s hurt.

But I’ve just moved on.. never paid any mind.

Until now because I see have seen moments where I think she’s quite lost without him around and she doesn’t know how to feel about it.

I think she thinks he doesn’t want to come back. And he isn’t a part of us anymore.

I also think she feels like she’s been waiting forever.. (it’s been a week), and she’s wondering where he is.

I mean I tell her he’s at work.. but we don’t mention him. The kids and I don’t talk about him, we just do our thing..

And over the weekend where she’s been able to see her father. She’s just been happier.

And I think what has changed. Ahhhh… must be tough on the little squirt.

That her father a great big part of her life is missing and no one cares..

So tomorrow I’m off to talk about her Dad more this week. Tell her how much he misses her and loves her.

Because if it was up to me? Mentioning him above what is necessary seems overdone.

But she seems to need it and I don’t blame her one bit.

Feel bad I never really looked into it until now.

Anyways.. that’s my story for today..

I also watched the Intern what a sad, sweet story..

Great movie.. I would like to buy it.

NH

 

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7 thoughts on “Selfish..

    • Oh IOH how the hell are ya! Yeah I noticed it, and it made me a bit sad to incorporate him more than I want too. But I shall do it for that sweet baby of mine who loves her father so.
      As much as they love him.. I still doubt I could ever find a love for him like they do anymore.. and thank you for the compliment.. Sometimes I think of when this all came down how much I didn’t want to live because I was just DONE.. and I feel sad that sweet baby had such a sad mother as her baby phase moved to 1-2 year old.. Sometimes I still cry about that.. I found out when she was 10 months old.
      And her mother has still not recovered in more ways than one..

      • … yes, I too lost all control of myself after finding out bout my husbands filth. I wasn’t a good mom at the time (shoot, I wasn’t good to anyone at the time) and I am having a hard time forgiving myself for that as well… and what is so sad, is the babies grow so quick and I can never get that time back with them…

  1. I struggle with incorporating my daughter’s father too and then…even harder to add in the lovely home wrecker. But I joyfully do it for my daughter. They both love her very much (or so they are supposed to). I never want her to feel otherwise…especially by something that I have done or not done.

    Scribbling names on valentines….less than pleasant. BUT watching my squish (not yet two) scream in delight to hand her daddy cards…. WORTH it.

    Now to figure out the internal struggles based around this. I’m not sure I ever will. But. Terms. I have to come to them.

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