I buy more books..

To save my ass..

waste time..

I don’t know..

90 days to save your marriage

Undefiled

Every heart restored

Ugh.. maybe more knowledge will help me to hang on awhile longer… why?

Because I wonder am I making the best choice divorcing him.

I said  that divorcing him would mean severing muscles intertwined with no plans for suture.

I would miss Christmas’s with him.

All of us the kids, him, and I all being together.

I would miss that.

Today he passively told me as I was just playing around saying..

“Why do you have to be gone so long”.. You know pulling Mom duty while they miss their father completely..

And he says “It’s because you want it that way”..

Hmm and I told him I’m not being manipulated or baited to answer that.

I mean what can one say to that??

Anyways I do know all of us manipulate each other on basic levels sometimes without even knowing it..

But I am just learning all my bad relationship habits after affair..

I got the good down.. I’m pretty solid..

In more ways than one LOL!!

I tend to apologize and want to fix.. even though I’m out for blood.. I want to control my emotions rather than feel anything at all.

Well it’s almost 2am.. I need to get to bed at a decent hour at some point..

 

 

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