Welcome Home Charles party.. wth?? my kids..

Ugh.. I know I’m horrible.. but I’m not excited to be sharing my bed, my kids, my house..

Suppose I should say our house..

27 days is not that long.. I mean before affair I would miss him.. now??

Well you know what I’m saying..

This is all devoid of the book I just read..

My marriage is my ministry..

Whoa say what?

I’m Charles’s helpmate.. I mean I already knew that I just don’t want to help him..

His affair, his shame, his stupidness.. not my problem.

And like I told my pastor I WILL NOT.. dumb myself down for him again..

But do I want to fight biblically for the marriage I want? or for Charles?

Do I want to help him with his spiritual battles and help him become the man he claims he wants to be?

No.. not really..

But seems I’m kind of called to do that.. UGH…

Because really what else could I be doing? This is the kind of work I would do with or without him.

And yes I know he’s not a pet project. but his heart matters and his soul too..

Also maybe being married to him is a type of obedient long suffering journey..

And to be honest.. all of his claims could be bullshit.. he probably is the low-life I still think he is at times.. because of his actions, his actions and words show much about what type of man I’m with..

But in fairness.. I can get pretty low myself..

But anyways so the kids want to throw him a welcome home party.. imagine that!

And who has to do that? Put the effort into that??

He was asking what we are having for dinner when he gets home and I’m like Mac and Cheese

He was like okay.. disappointed sigh.. silly Charles..

He gave up a wife who used to want to do those types of things.. I don’t really care if he’s gone for years!! And does whatever the hell he wants to blow, whores, whatever..

Now I don’t know what kind of wife I am? but I wonder if looking at whether I want to be a wife at all is forest for the trees mentality.. and as I ponder what kind of wife I would like to be.. I don’t need any crap expectations from him.

I do care that the kids care. Kids.. the saving grace for Charles that he has a wife at all.. I swear..

Anyways.. looking up homecoming ideas for Dad just popped up military homecomings and I still cry at those because I remember being the military spouse waiting for her husband.

I hate that. I hate remembering how much work it took to be in this marriage. So I’m kinda pissed right now.. A little bit.. dam homecoming party..

Suppose the silver lining is I raised some appreciative kids, who don’t know their Dad sucks at being a husband..

Bleh..

Here’s to a better day tomorrow perhaps??

❤ NH

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3 thoughts on “Welcome Home Charles party.. wth?? my kids..

  1. The challenge with following Christ and being like him in a marriage means that you have to deny yourself daily and carry your cross. Your husband’s affair is your cross. Can you keep denying your feelings? So far, you can’t. So the hard choice is you either die to yourself and live for Christ which means all the lousy feelings and bitterness over the betrayal need to be buried with your “old self” and your rise anew like the resurrection and live with forgiveness, love and considering others before yourself–Charles and Kendra. Now that is a huge challenge. Could I do it? Well I never had a husband coming back asking me to so in one sense I am the lucky one. Nothing like God using your life to help you understand him and have a real relationship with him. This gives us a bit of a sense of what Christ must have felt being betrayed by all his disciples, Judas the worst, but he was abandoned in his time of need by the others–were any of them at the foot of the cross with him? How can we be “Christ like” if we don’t know what it means to do what he did? It sucks!!!!!! But isn’t that why God created us? He jsut wanted to love us and have a relationship with us. You can’t have a real relationship without knowing him and how can you know him truly if you don’t suffer and walk in the path that Jesus had to walk. Thank you Jesus and God. I probably would have let the whole world go to hell.

  2. That sucks. It’s awful, I know, to have to show care for someone who you really don’t anymore, but because your kids still care for it… I mean, him.
    Don’t do it for the good wife role (or for the good Christian role), do it for the good mother role instead. Do it because your kids want it, and that’s it. Enjoy the time you’ll spend with your kids preparing that. Let them see how superior you are (even if they won’t understand it now).
    Eh, I know it ain’t easy. I’m living kind of the same on my side, keeping things civil and cordial for my kids sake, when what I want to do… is so far from what I’m doing. But, I hope, that is the best for my kid in the long run. In time they’ll learn what their other parent is/was. That’s not your problem.
    Just be the good mother you are to them. Even if your husband doesn’t deserve it.
    That’s my 5 cents…
    Good luck and be strong. (and take lots of deep breaths)

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