Things have been pleasantly decent with Charles.
Guess because I’m trying this new thing of sexual purity with myself.
What is that? I’ll write a post on that later.
But just is that my body is my husband’s, no masturbating, no erotic stories..
Reading the book “Every Heart Restored” and starting “Undefiled” has helped me make a few choices about my sexuality that I never realized before.
But I will write more about that later..
So things have been well. He likes the idea of my body being his and biblically it’s truth.
We are each other’s.
However even with sexual purity for me which is changing my life, I am no means okay with the affair, or think hell this stupid affair saved our marriage. BALONEY!! to that I say
I probably would have never read those books if not for my husband being stupid, but I’m just pointing that out to say while I am on this journey of sexual purity I have no qualms telling my husband my wants in a relationship and how being with him still makes things less for me.
Like I want to be NUMERO UNO in a relationship in the worldwide league of women when I’m with a man.
Do I feel that when I’m with Charles.. not really
But it seems to be coming back.
I told him as we were holding each other this, I want to be with a man who looks at me and just beams because I’m the only woman for him.
Some can call that attraction that fades, but it doesn’t because my husband is the only man I’ve wanted to have sex with our whole marriage. Sure there were other guys I thought geesh where were you before I got married? But never took the thought any further, plus nice to know no one ever really tried hard, because they would get a lecture for sure!
Because what does it say about someone who is okay flirting while married and the one who is flirted with? Weakness. Most won’t try anything when your strong doesn’t matter what it is. Both Charles and Kendra were weak.. they might still be..
Just like Wal-Mart cashiers or anyone in general. You’re not going to treat me like trash, people will tolerate what they can get away with. And I’m usually the one they avoid.. unless you want to try me..
And yes, it’s true Charles and Kendra were my weakness. Which thankfully are no longer
I get it some may see me as bitter.. but I’m not I’m honest.. and I get it is all my honesty done with love.. uhh.. no.. not really.. I’d like to get there someday.. but as it stands.. I think I’m better than I used to be.
Anyways back to Charles and what I want in a relationship.. so now Charles is always making sure to look at me.
He’s still always touching me, but it seems we are exploring different ideas on our faith, money, and just life in general.
Not boring, not feeling connected, but not feeling disconnected.
I’m finding and communicating my wants in a relationship. I’m not sure they are the same as needs but it feels so good to be listened to and heard.
But I wonder is it real?
And if I’m enjoying the ride.. does it matter if I’m not compromising myself anymore?
Well off to grab some lunch..