The slow death of a relationship..

Letting my husband go.. the ideas thoughts I have or had of him in the sense of making him happy, or finding things for him.

Yes, I know I’m still married to him, but I’ve let him go. I used to think of ways for him to smile and be happy.

I am getting him a birthday present this year. I’m going to go halfsies with his folks.

So there’s growth.

Anyways the husband of the family we went to dinner last night plays guitar and so does Charles.

Normally I would have struck up that conversation to maybe they should play together.

I thought about it afterwards, but then thought silly idea and why am I pursuing such a vain attempt. Because him playing guitar with other people does not make me any happier? Does not show any consideration for Charles either, he did not ask for my help in the matter of finding guitar friends. Charles playing guitar with anyone at all on earth is no business of mine. So I dropped the thought.

I drop many thoughts containing the man I am married to.

I do not say I love you if I don’t mean it, nor want to say it.

The empty words serve no purpose for me.

Sometimes I say it, sometimes I do not.

It’s a beautiful day in Alaska and I want to take the girls out.

The boy did a decent job of taping a wall, removing covers and painting a wall in his room.

So for now going to beach that will make me and the girls happy…

and snacks, snacks always make them happy..

Oh I also watched a few girls today so I toted around 5 girls and loved every minute of it. We went to the grocery store, they cleaned my house ages 2-9 🙂

I was blessed indeed and I wondered if this was my calling. Because spending time with children fills my heart. I would have never thought that but it does.. I don’t think full-time like a daycare provider, or a teacher.. but something..

Anyways time to go get some sun 🙂

❤ NH

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2 thoughts on “The slow death of a relationship..

  1. While it is common to think of our husbands first, now you need to put yourself first, and find interests that are separate from those of your husbands. it will keep you from being filled with the blame and shame dialogue and eventually will give you back some empowerment.

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