So back to getting into my Bible everyday.
I’m working on my eating habits again.
I am slowly seeing that I have trouble with discipline and time management.
So I’ve been Pinteresting and reading in regards to that.
But I’m starting to like him.
He left again today on business and while I do not really miss him. I kind of like him around.
I like him.
When he put up my spice rack. When he puts the kids to bed. When I made him late today for the ferry because of my own negligence he didn’t freak out on me.
When I told him I disagreed with his theology on a social media post and why.
I like him when he smiles and shows me more of what he’s thinking.
I like him when he tells me his problems, his thoughts
Something I’ve always hoped for just it not happening due to such a fire set to our relationship.
Kansas has been on the brain lately and it would seem there maybe an opportunity to move back there.
Oh how I miss my friends. My routine. My bible studies and Sams Club I really miss Sams Club.
Although I like it here too. Dad is pulling carpet and painting. We are just attacking this house. If we had to sell it I think we would make some money on it. But I’m getting used to it, quicker than I got used to Kansas that is for sure.
But moving back to KS and being in the same town as her again? Would I be okay? I was looking at houses and a home came up on Bridge Lane and the house was nice and I’ve forgotten streets by now. The name was familiar, but I dismissed until I mapped it and was like oh that’s why it’s familiar that’s Bob’s street.
Yeah moving to KS would bring its own sack of worms depending on where we would live. Couldn’t live in a certain neighborhood or street. I mean to hell with her but Bob and the kids.. yeah I don’t want our kids going to the same schools or us living so close together we would have to see each other on a daily basis.
Because I do.. still kinda hate her. Most of the time I don’t if I don’t think about it.. maybe I don’t hate her so much as I do not want her near me.
But she’s not worth me not being in KS.. oh how I miss my life there..
I would love to move back. I really would but I wonder if really that’s what God wants for me and the kids.
Anyways back to liking him..
I don’t like that I like him.
Not that I want to not like him.. but I just don’t want to fall for him again. I have no desire to do that because I’m a foolish girl who loves too fast and hard. I also am still hard on myself and haven’t a clue what this relationship between Charles and I means to me.
or what I desire in a relationship.
But sometimes it’s hard not too and I have to jolt myself and say WHOA WHOA WHOA!! NH!!
Remember to focus on you, take care of you, don’t worry about love, liking him, doing things to please him
You better be living your life for God and for you..
And when I start liking him, or swooning I find I may be able to do all three..
Like Charles, live my life for God and me..
I just need to remember there is no reason to rush things..