I am a fan of thought catalog today it kicked my ass..

With this article.. 17 Real Raunchy Sexts Between Two Lovers Who Are Having A Secret Affair

And I want to send him this article SOOOOO… bad.. RAWRRRRR!!

And say so this was it.. Huh?? This is what you and Kendra had.. what my hopes for our relationship and our marriage dashed to have some cheating dirtbag for a husband??

I wish she had taken him. I wish he would have run off with her and our children’s hopes dashed of what a jack-ass their father really is.. and I could have started clean..

With the way he is now.. is SOOOOO MESSY!!

I know I’m having a moment.. maybe I will feel better later..

And then this

13 Long-Term Couples Explain How Love Actually Gets Stronger Over Ten Years

I know it’s like I’m trying to punish myself.. maybe that’s why I haven’t finished the living room or dining room yet and it would take me all of maybe 20 minutes.. but NOOO I was dorking around my computer..

Reading Charles messages to me about how we are going to pay off our mortgage early, goals for our financial freedom..

And a little part of me dies and wonders can I have financial freedom without him?

I sure can.. I forget that, that is a goal of mine to rise above my income level which is $0 right now and to make something.. anything..

Is more than what I’m doing right now..

I know Charles and I can achieve these goals together. Both of us are level headed and goal oriented (with finances don’t laugh at me LOL!)

But is that the road I want to take.. GAH!! I want a romantic story love!! Do I have that??

UGH I’m not sure and the fact that I’m not sure KILLS me.. okay okay  a bit drama today.. so I’m not going to die..

Maybe because I want that thing is the thing that holds me back..

Thinking forrest for the trees kind of thinking.. because why do I want a companion to make me feel at peace.. am I still so at war within myself??

Probably..

But whatever progress not perfection I guess.. OFF TO CLEAN THE THINGS


NH

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