Will I forget?

Reading the book Imperfect Harmony its a really Good book so far and he’s sick now

I’m not fully well.

But I haven’t been taking very good care of myself lately.

I also finally got a phone Charles ordered it for me.

The man is on fire with picking up my slack, or getting things done that I want.

It’s quite amazing he’s become the flash of NH’s problems.

Suppose not really problems but things he can take care of and fast.

So as he’s sick, I’m getting better..

Things are nice, because my husband’s exciting I’m learning all sorts of new things about him. Or watching his mannerisms the way he does things now. I question, he answers.

Not like before, eye rolling, do you really want to talk now?, just douchy behavior that never put me above his needs.

Even the good things he did for me.. it was so hard pressed for me to get through to him.. Hey ugh.. yeah those good things you did them for yourself not for me. You did them for you.

Never so outlandish where you could catch him, like a guitar for my birthday or anything.

But like the first trip he ever takes me, he finds a sitter, he blows all sorts of money on me all while he’s having an affair.

And he’s all like I wanted to make you happy.. Bull fucking shit.. you chose all of those things at that time because you were a fucking asshole and thought this will make me feel better about myself. I will make my wife happy and I will feel better about me.

It still irritates me not only about affair, but the aftermath of the affair.

The stupid sayings are further and farther apart.

The dumbness I had to live with after affair.. Oh my as if being betrayed, backstabbed, humiliated, my character questioned, isn’t enough I had to listen to his stupidness coming out of delusion land.

How he really loved me, blah blah blah..

And now since things are going better, I wonder if I will forget and is that okay for me to do.

Seriously I’m one of those chics who thinks minutes take FOREVER.. and I worry I’m letting go guys.

It’s like something slipping out of my hands

And instead of worry like fret, it’s more like okay self what will we do.

I did tell him I still hated him a few days ago and that was the truth. I hate Kendra.

I do, while I think it’s a foolish thing to do. I’ve suppressed that thought.

But I do I hate Kendra and there are times I still hate Charles.

But that’s on me not them.

Hating either of them is a choice on my part.

I choose to hate them.

But I feel like that’s starting to become a silly idea.

Because I could free up the space in my head with not hating either of them.

But then what?

Well needed to get this off my chest. I’m super tired..

Good night




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