As things get better 

I am reminded by Tigerlily from Reconcile there is an emptiness

Suppose Kendra and Charles choices didnt destroy me but there was nothing to replace them but emptiness and that emptiness what once was full tore me up inside.

Usually in my life when something is empty I can take care of it fill the void I suppose. With those two emotional leeches? No there was no replacement 

The aftermath left me feeling so empty and frustrated in the story that I was writing with my life of Charles and Nia and friendship with Kendra and Nia there were future plans and hopes.

Those were squashed with me not having a say but playing such a huge part of the play that I never wanted to be in and the emptiness was so new and void of everything I ever understood

Suppose long story short is I think I’m getting better even if I move on from the hurt, the pain

There’s so much more to life than Charles and I.

I really thought it was me and him like a fantastic 4 minus 2 I suppose 

You know the 3 minus 1 musketeers 

I doubt I will ever think he has my back on anything ever again

I don’t believe in him being for me and I think that is what the distance between him and I is

I don’t need him in my corner 

And knowing that makes me smile and a bit shaky 

I get it he hasn’t been in my corner  for a LONG time 

But still it’s a lesson I still am learning to maneuver through 

And no I don’t think him being in this marriage is a absolute that the man is in my corner 

Because he has as much to lose if we divorce as I do

And as damaged as we both are neither of us want to share our children 

Well it’s night time now another set of beach jewelry down this time I will wait the actual 24 hours and then pin them  

 

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One thought on “As things get better 

  1. I am thankful every single day that I didn’t know about Loser the first (?) time. There would have never been a question about sharing the children. I had raised them virtually by myself up to that point and he would have been in hog heaven. He would have left it up to me….like he always had….and been even more free to pursue his bar hopping tramps.
    Just send a check and never look back.

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