I am reminded by Tigerlily from Reconcile there is an emptiness
Suppose Kendra and Charles choices didnt destroy me but there was nothing to replace them but emptiness and that emptiness what once was full tore me up inside.
Usually in my life when something is empty I can take care of it fill the void I suppose. With those two emotional leeches? No there was no replacement
The aftermath left me feeling so empty and frustrated in the story that I was writing with my life of Charles and Nia and friendship with Kendra and Nia there were future plans and hopes.
Those were squashed with me not having a say but playing such a huge part of the play that I never wanted to be in and the emptiness was so new and void of everything I ever understood
Suppose long story short is I think I’m getting better even if I move on from the hurt, the pain
There’s so much more to life than Charles and I.
I really thought it was me and him like a fantastic 4 minus 2 I suppose
You know the 3 minus 1 musketeers
I doubt I will ever think he has my back on anything ever again
I don’t believe in him being for me and I think that is what the distance between him and I is
I don’t need him in my corner
And knowing that makes me smile and a bit shaky
I get it he hasn’t been in my corner for a LONG time
But still it’s a lesson I still am learning to maneuver through
And no I don’t think him being in this marriage is a absolute that the man is in my corner
Because he has as much to lose if we divorce as I do
And as damaged as we both are neither of us want to share our children
Well it’s night time now another set of beach jewelry down this time I will wait the actual 24 hours and then pin them