A note of his that mentioned that I may be passed ever loving him like I used too.
It was from back in Jan but it has me thinking..
Because all of us betrayed know it will never come back the way it used to be.
Things are too changed him and I are both changed. He an adulterer I am not.
We are on opposite sides of the trail I am a faithful spouse: I intend to be one til I die even if I find another spouse later on down the line.
He is an unfaithful man who is trying to be faithful to his wife now. But more importantly faithful to God and himself. Which doesn’t concern me at least I don’t think it does.
See because before I thought we had something special and we can work through tough times together.
Turns out we are not anything special as a couple. Him and I are on different paths.
I think he’s coming to terms with that now. That he’s not going to get that back. The girl who loves to be near him every second or want to plan date nights anniversaries.. Etc
Because I don’t to me I am WAY more important my healing, my life goals.
He’s like my side piece
I still adore having sex with him.
But I don’t long to cuddle afterwards
I don’t try to make his life easy or concern myself with the nuances about his life.
I think him and I are at an understanding lately.
To achieve our goals together but we are more close friends than anything.
I am still saddened to have a marriage like this but also enjoying not bothering about him too.
Lots of guilt went along with loving him also contempt and I have none of that now.
It’s like a weight lifted off of my shoulders that I never knew I had.
I settled for Charles
I hope to train and guide our children to not settle
If staying with Charles to keep our family going and keep all of us in the same house so be it.
I do not think I am settling now would I love to be in love oh sure to feel sparks? To feel like my marriage is a place of safety again? Sure who doesn’t?
But I’m making the best of what I have to work with now.
Was searching for someone on FB and Bobs profile came up as the first search UGH… We are not FB friends but to only never see him is to block him and I just want to keep the line open in case Charles and Kendra decide to talk again and Bob finds it before I do.
Is that silly?
Him and I made a pact we find any info between the 2 of them we notify each other.
I hate seeing his profile show up though whenever I type in BOb or anything close to his name. Not because I don’t like looking at him but because I want to see her.
And it’s hard not to want to see what she’s up to.
I want to see her smug lying face and hope she has no friends.
I’m sure she does and can easily stomp on people and move on but it’s a sick game I play with myself it’s sad
Maybe I’ll block Bob so the temptation isn’t there
I don’t know..
Here’s to tomorrow and that I am ready to teach Sunday school! 😊