Expectations unmet

Charles is full of them.

And sometimes I wonder am I being too hard on him?

I mean his kind of stupid even if he wanted to better himself in my opinion will take so much more time for him to be the man I ever wanted, or even want to know.

Sometimes I want to go public because I think hell this is my life and this needs to be out.

Betrayed people should get it out in the open and know this is really what affairs look like.

Always the betrayed will write a book.. after the fact.

Or they will have reconciled, or divorced..

But me.. some would say I’m in limbo still, some would say I get all the time I need, staying for the family is a good idea, or isn’t..

But that is what the aftermath of living with a man of deceit.

It’s doing the best you can with what you have at the moment. Just like any horrible thing.

But does it even matter? Just preaching to the choir..

I want this betrayal to mean something.. and I really don’t care if it means anything for Charles and I..

But maybe that’s something I need to think about.

Anyways deck cleaning went well.

Planning for Squish’s 3rd party.

Need to go grocery shopping.. Charles and I haven’t had sex in 4 days and I’m just not in the mood. Touching him just isn’t on my agenda and it doesn’t have to be.

I forget he’s emotionally stunted. A long time ago I told him your like someone who just got out of prison and expects to be treated the same way as a non-ex-con..

And he does. He thinks God forgives me, I am not a douche bag anymore and I can move on with my wife. Hell things can even be better!

Now I feel I shouldn’t be so hard on someone that daft. Because if you’re that far gone good grief.. pity and just live my life because I can’t go against that kind of stupidity.

I mean I get it. He backstabbed me, betrayed me, it’s over right and he’s making amends. (This is what he wants me to understand)

But I’m making amends with myself for falling for someone so stupid.

I’m learning about myself, who I want to be, what I would like to happen.. seeing my shortcomings on my own and dealing with them.. not because I want to be a better wife, mother..

but because I want to take care of me.

Charles gets so pissy when I don’t feel like dealing with him. His hip has been bothering him, and he’s just been hobbling along. I ask if he needs anything and if he doesn’t speak up well I’m moving along with my day.

Cleaning the deck.. doing my thing..

I cannot wait to clean my desk today it’s driving me bananas..

The floor is on the back burner until I get the deck done.

Have a great Friday everyone 🙂

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