The deck is turning out to be more of a project than I thouht
Good grief I’m glad Charles has helped me with it
He didn’t have to
The whole family pitched in and we only got one coat done but it looks marvelous
I need to turn in my application for the job tomorrow
And finish applying for school
Good grief can things slow down a bit?
Which is nice in a way because
I got an anniversary card in the mail today from my mother and I hate it.
I hate that she sends cards still because she doesn’t know
I want to tell her but you know it’s not so easy telling the story over again
Still makes me mad
And I don’t know how my mother would take it
But I would like her to stop sending the cards celebrating this union
I think I will call it that
Because my marriage died with affair
It’s gone and what we have left is mutual respect if that
I mean it’s a two way street as opposed to loving unconditionally which I do not do
Because if he gives me more reason to walk out on his ass then I will
Kick his ass to the curb
But good grief he is so kind, loving, doting even when I’ve pissed him off its interesting to see
Because fuck toy Kendra didn’t get any of that the jerk even told her he didn’t like watching her kids
Who the fuck still wants to have sex with a man after that?!
Any his ass didn’t do a dam thing anyway I’m the one who loved on those kiddos😊
Ahh the sickness of laying life out there to compare whore to wife
I still have trouble realizing I do it
It’s ridiculous and foolish but a good flag to check myself and wonder why am I doing that??
Anyways today I thought this life is nice with Charles
As if the affair was so long ago like another life away
And then I wondered why do I think and feel that way
Am I foolish, naive
Am I truly moving on?
Or is it a sad attempt at enchanting myself into something
But here is what I do know
I need a shower and I am sore