May 24 2001

We applied for our marriage certificates 

And it was a sunny day

We both got off work early

And were asked if we were brother and sister

I look back on this day with grief now

That I ever married him 

But realistically I would not have these same kids 

And there are no do overs when you create life 

Which I wouldn’t want anyway 

I do not thank Charles for the pain

But I thank him for our kids

For his work to support this family because he could just walk away 

Which of course I would be fine with

It would make what he did logical

To me 

But that’s my crazy people are not logical even I who kinda wants to run 😊

I know I use irrational thoughts now because I don’t have an answers

And I want answers

I don’t have that answer if I will stay with Charles or go

Only time will tell for me 

Because I have to build my own life away from him now 

Finding new likes and ideas excluding Charles is hard for me I wish it wasn’t 

But it is 

My heart hurts with the memories today 

 

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