I hate feeling like an attention whore when I fail at being through with Charles 

Because what the hell did I mean when I said I was through

I meant driving him to beach day for our girls that I wanted a divorce

I texted pals 

I was asking for prayer

And what was my plan exactly?

Didn’t fucking have one

And I slept most of the day away

Any divorce papers filled out or even printed?

No

Ugh..

I fail at leaving my husband 

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4 thoughts on “I hate feeling like an attention whore when I fail at being through with Charles 

  1. Doesn’t sound like a fail to me. Sounds normal. Once the high emotions subside a bit, you can try to set them aside and take a good hard look at the facts. And you don’t need to decide today. This shit is hard, don’t make it worse – be gentle with yourself. There’s no right answer – there’s only the right answer for you. Dumping on yourself makes this worse and you need to know that at least one person in the world – you – will always be compassionate to you. I will too, but have your own back right now. Picture yourself surround by an entourage of bodyguards invested in your best interest. And sleep, eat, drink – and keep writing.

  2. It’s okay.

    Until you really do decide – once and for all – that you’re.just.DONE, you can make yourself ready for it. Mock-up budgets, goals, and what you’ll need to do to achieve them. Work toward becoming more independent while you still have the financial umbrella to cover you. Get that job/create that job > gain the experience to really make a success of it > put aside most of it > and just keep it there… a day will come when you realize that you don’t actually NEED him. You’ll have enough to make his income unnecessary (though that support will help you in a huge, wonderful way) and the only thing actually left will be to take that step.

    Right now, there’s too much involved in “I’m done” to make it feasible.

    And if you don’t ever decide that you’re really, really DONE, you’ll at least have the knowledge that you can, will have amazing household finances, and the confidence that comes from all of it. ❤

  3. You know NH, I have days when I know I’m done, it’s over, I can’t take another minute, not sure why I’m still here… I had one of those days yesterday! But I know that even if it’s not going to get any better, I’m really not ready to go just yet. It must be 1000 times worse when you have kids to consider. I’m only worried about how to split custody of two dogs! : /

    Anyway, I hear you, and I get it. Keep doing what you’re doing – working your way towards self-reliance. No matter what the future holds, that’s what you (and I) need in the end.

    {{ HUGS }}

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