Yeah you know who I am snooping up on
Did they sell their house yet?
Where are they going?
Are they moving out of the city?
I hope so
It looked like they weren’t living there already
The housing price range they are in is pretty sketch because their are enough houses in that price range that are not selling
And I keep wanting to check
I have no idea why
I have a boat load of other plans for my life
But I haven’t checked in awhile
And by awhile it’s like a week
Another friend of ours home isn’t selling either
The market there is kind of in a slump there really isn’t enough moneymakers moving to our small town in KS
But anyways things have simmered down here
Day 1 of summer is down
Excited to spend the months with the kiddos
We even started an earning system
For screen time an it’s working marvelously
Started another new budget system
So we will see how we do with that
My Moms coming to visit and I’m so excited!!
And the planning of the birthday parties
Things are hopping here
And as for the marriage I really wish I knew
We get along laugh and talk
About goals financially educationally we both plan on going to school in the fall
I need to track food again
Bleh but if I don’t I’m realizing it’s like my budget I’ll be like oh I can eat a dozen donuts I’ve eaten well all day
And then it’s like in reality I ate like omlets candy bars, cookies and just thought I ate well
I know it’s sad
Anyways I wonder if the idea is true that if you stick out the unhappiness in a marriage in 5 years it will get better
It’s strange I saw a post on FB that was complaining about husbands and how they help pack for vacations
And the list showed the wife doing like a bajillion things and the husband only a few
And as I looked at that list
I don’t have that now
Nope I got a spouse that works and on top of doing his share and more I am checked on
Do I need anything?
Am I ok?
Charles has always been great about time spent with our kids and watching our kids whenever I wanted to go out or do anything. Bed baths playtime he is great
He sucked at thinking about what I need and being a spouse
And now it seems like I have that someone who shares his life with me now
Because instead of thinking about what I have I think about what I don’t have
Or didn’t have
How did I manage such an existence and when did I become so useless to him?
Just a warm body that meant nothing?
Now yes did I cause Charles to have an affair? Did our relationship?
Hell to the NO!!
But how did it get to the point where I didn’t matter and how did I allow such grossness in my life?
The complaining about bible studies together, the whining of growing together and setting goals and being an active spouse than just along for the ride or to be ridden by the slut bag Kendra?
As while I will not ever tolerate such behavior
I question my competence of being loved
I question my competence of strength and standing up for myself in this marriage
I hate that because now my character is not questioned by others but my own character is questioned all the time by myself now
And that is frustrating and enlightening all at the same time