Stop looking her up!

Yeah you know who I am snooping up on

Did they sell their house yet?

Where are they going?

Are they moving out of the city?

I hope so

It looked like they weren’t living there already

The housing price range they are in is pretty sketch because their are enough houses in that price range that are not selling 

And I keep wanting to check

I have no idea why

I have a boat load of other plans for my life 

Silly really 

But I haven’t checked in awhile 

And by awhile it’s like a week 

Another friend of ours home isn’t selling either 

The market there is kind of in a slump there really isn’t enough moneymakers moving to our small town in KS

But anyways things have simmered down here 

Day 1 of summer is down

Excited to spend the months with the kiddos

We even started an earning system

For screen time an it’s working marvelously 

Started another new budget system 

So we will see how we do with that

My Moms coming to visit and I’m so excited!!

And the planning of the birthday parties 

Things are hopping here 

For sure

And as for the marriage I really wish I knew 

We get along laugh and talk

About goals financially educationally we both plan on going to school in the fall

I need to track food again 

Bleh but if I don’t I’m realizing it’s like my budget I’ll be like oh I can eat a dozen donuts I’ve eaten well all day

And then it’s like in reality I ate like omlets candy bars, cookies and just thought I ate well

I know it’s sad

Anyways I wonder if the idea is true that if you stick out the unhappiness in a marriage in 5 years it will get better

It’s strange I saw a post on FB that was complaining about husbands and how they help pack for vacations 

And the list showed the wife doing like a bajillion things and the husband only a few 

And as I looked at that list 

I don’t have that now

Nope I got a spouse that works and on top of doing his share and more I am checked on 

Do I need anything? 

Am I ok?

It’s nice 

Charles has always been great about time spent with our kids and watching our kids whenever I wanted to go out or do anything. Bed baths playtime he is great 

He sucked at thinking about what I need and being a spouse 

And now it seems like I have that someone who shares his life with me now

It’s odd 

New 

Awkward 

Because instead of thinking about what I have I think about what I don’t have 

Or didn’t have 

How did I manage such an existence and when did I become so useless to him?

Just a warm body that meant nothing?

Now yes did I cause Charles to have an affair? Did our relationship? 

Hell to the NO!!

But how did it get to the point where I didn’t matter and how did I allow such grossness in my life?

The complaining about bible studies together, the whining of growing together and setting goals and being an active spouse than just along for the ride or to be ridden by the slut bag Kendra? 

As while I will not ever tolerate such behavior 

I question my competence of being loved 

I question my competence of strength and standing up for myself in this marriage 

I hate that because now my character is not questioned by others but my own character is questioned all the time by myself now

And that is frustrating and enlightening all at the same time 

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