Pride and Prejudice Zombies

Got me thinking about Love

I know say what NH?

But it did

Because do I love Charles yeah sure

But is it the him and I till the end?

I’m not sure 

I used to be sure 

And I wonder about that 

It’s prevalent in the Christian faith that love is a choice 

There is no guilt in my life about him and I 

I don’t feel guilty if I don’t make him breakfast or pack his bags on trips 

I used to love him in probably a very unhealthy manner 

And now 

Finding a new way to love it’s so different 

Charles and I don’t get that story of marital love and bliss after we are married 

To look at him and say Hey this guy is the one for me!

And I’m reevaluating how I see this marriage how I see him and what I want to do about that

But is it terrible that oh how I would love to be in love again

Like at the movies 

I know life is not like the movies 

But I would watch movies and be happy to come home to the love of my life 

Before I wanted to throw things at his head for taking my idea

That I lost the love of my life and as some sort of consolation prize I get him 

Bleh Meh…

Still pisses me off but not as much as it used to 

Because it’s gone 

I have to reframe what I do have and not focus on all that I don’t have 

Reframe meaning that what I feel about cheaters adulterers has to be altered because I’m married to one

That my family keeping my family includes this dirty laundry that just left a stain 

It’s comforting that Jesus is in the business of washing stains away

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