The last bite of a hot dog shouldn’t mean so much but it did

The whole family went to the beach and I grilled brats on fire and a wooden log 

Anyways the last brat was one I wanted a bite of a cheese brat and it went to Charles

I didn’t want a whole one and told him I would like the last bite of your brat since it will be the perfect temperature by the time you se done

So I was taking pictures of family enjoying the scenery and he calls me and hands me the last bite

I had forgotten our agreement 

And it was tasty

The things I ask for after betrayal

Anyways hosting in AK is hard work 

I’m tired and it’s only been 2 days 

Charles has been being quite the gentleman even if his hip still hurts 

He pissed me off tonight being all crabby but he should be crabby and that’s human and ok I guess

Well that’s all I have for now super tired 

Oh wait I wanted to say that mostly I’m happy. My marriage died and at times I still hate Charles but it isn’t as bad as it used to be 

My marriage i am unsure if it ever will be wonderful

I hope nothing about my marriage in terms of intimacy 

Or if he even really wants to get to know me or what I want 

I as a woman am wanting to be healthier

Also the boy comes back tomorrow!

I can’t wait to see him

Here are a few pretties I found on the beach 


4 thoughts on “The last bite of a hot dog shouldn’t mean so much but it did

    • Awwww Paula I think of you often and wonder what my life will be like in 6+ years of living life with Charles

      Thank you for those words however I wonder if that will ever come

      I wonder (I know it won’t be exactly like Kelly’s) but is that something that will happen to me?
      Will I choose that? Or is that a choice at all?
      Sometimes I see the theory that is as humans have the control to choose
      However I can not choose to fall head over heels with Donald Trunp or the next door neighbor so how does falling in love with Charles become a choice?

      Does that make sense?

      Anyways thank you I adore your strength and your concise writing about the pain and grief over the love or your life

      And while unfortunate am thankful I’m not alone in having been doublecrossed twice over

      Thanks again for the encouragement and kind words

      • My thoughts about this are that the double betrayal and long term nature of our situations, as well as our embedded life experience has made us far more difficult characters to ‘win over’ with improved behaviour. We loved truly. And we hurt deeply when let down. Letting go of either the hurt or the relationship is agonising. I don’t mean we want to hold onto the pain. Just that we find it harder than most to RE-trust. I think we have some of the most difficult personalities to live within. I really do wish I was a different kind of person. But this is me. I have tried hard to change me. But I can’t. I can no more choose happiness (to stick) than I can flap my arms and fly to the moon. Sucks. But trying to learn to live with this and celebrate the things I CAN do well. Agonisingly slow and hard work!

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