is in pain.. his back has been hurting for months..
and I don’t have much to do about it. I pray for him, massage him..
But other than that.. it’s about it
And maybe I’ve come across too many dumb articles that speak relationship advice from a lens of rom com’s and how to ensure intimacy with your mate..
It’s all so lame..
I used to be one of them..
And suppose it doesn’t matter.. I cannot help others understand if they believe they are their spouses one and only because they do this.. or that.. or they affair proofed their marriage..
I facepalm anytime I see dumb Christian titled books like that..
Anyways.. I wonder if I’m missing out.. that intimacy that others are talking about.. talking with someone and they being fascinated by me and me by them.
I’ve been eating whatever I want and the lbs are a coming on and he still says he finds me attractive.. it’s so odd..
Because he used to be banged by 110-125’er.. granted she’s a shit wife, mother, and friend.. but is something wrong with me or him?
Is it truly that I cannot feel loved, or is it because it’s coming from him?
Sometimes as I’m getting physical with him I think is it because it’s him? Or because he’s here.
And really probably a disgrace to the covenant I made with him, but he’s attrative.. but that’s all I have with him. He’s attractive, we create awesome kids, and we manage a home and finances decently.. not well.. decently..
But the part I think I’m missing out on?
The connection.. the desire..
I used to visit with a boy.. and he used to stay up all hours with me listening to every mad idea I had.. spend all his time with me..
I never gave him the chance and he’s so sweet and loyal to his wife..
And I married Charles..
bleh.. I don’t want to be all doom and gloom but I made choices like have 4 kids with an asshat.. make a family with said asshat..
I mean he’s nice, doting, but I want more.. and I wonder if that more is what he wanted and ruined everything..
That kind of discontentment..
I wonder if I am tasting what he was going through.. I doubt it because he led his life by his dick..