Displeased.. or I’m gonna knock you out!!.. it’s one of those for sure..

Not for real I wouldn’t try to knock him out..

  1. I’m not going to prison for nobody.. that part of the crazy train is gone.. PTL
  2. Getting physical is not the way to handle my volatile feelings

So what had me go bat bananas in my head to where Emily is watching me make her ice cream sundae and says “Mom what happened to your face? All of a sudden you look like this and she mimicked my facial expression the only way a 7 yr old concerned daughter can

It was hilarious now that I am writing about it. Not so much then.

Charles was sitting next to Emily while she was questioning me.

Me: Sometimes Mommy just gets hit with a sad memory or moment and I suppose I make that face

Emily: But it was in the past right? The sadness about the past?

Me: Kind of

Emily: Oh..

As I finish Emily’s sundae I hand it to her and she walks away. Then I ask  Charles do you remember when we made an ice cream sundae blindfolded at our marriage bible study?

Charles: Uhhh.. I kind of

Me in my head: YOU MOTHER FUCKER!! OF COURSE YOU DON’T REMEMBER BECAUSE MY ASS WAS TRYING TO BUILD A RELATIONSHIP AND YOU! YOU COCKSUCKER COULDN’T KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS! YOU COULDN’T BUILD FUCKING ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO BUSY FUCKING AROUND BEING STUPID!!! AWWWWWW!!! ROOOAAARRR!!!

Q-Bert language &^$*(%)$*#&*#&@#@!!!!!!

Me outloud: So do you want vanilla or cookies and cream in your sundae?

I don’t know how I’m going to move on from the past..

Now I get some say just move the fuck on. Past is past..

But what about the good past? Well what I thought was good?

I thought making a sundae blind-folded with Charles was fun.. him.. he was an asshole.

Having fun with me doing the things I liked to do was such a bloody chore!!

But that memory sucks and makes me want to cry..

You know, seems to me many don’t understand that part

the majority who do are part of the unfortunate “In crowd”

The good memories you had with a fucking liar slut bag of a spouse? They are tainted and what were good memories.. don’t seem so fucking good and what you thought you had with someone is gone..

That heartbreak.. doesn’t bode well with me and I’m not sure it will ever..

I’m not sure moving on from the past has to do with me being stronger.. or me just having fucking amnesia after years go by..

I’m not sure..

I would like to know now.. but I’m pretty sure I won’t..

Bright side?

I’m tired and told him that I’m done cooking all the time and his response was okay I’ll cook!

Which is super cool and nice to just jump in like that.

He never would have before..

It would have all been me, why can’t I meal plan better, why couldn’t I make it easier for myself.. blah, blah, blah..

-NH

 

 

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