Do you like me?? A question he seems to ask and why do I feel guilty for answering it??

So we haven’t had sex in awhile and I haven’t been interested but lately I have been 

And he was standing and i bent down to meet his crotch and I told him I’m horny (yes I use that word)

And so he says so you just touch me because you want sex? Not because you like your husband…

Ugh he can be such a downer 

And I feel guilty.. and I don’t know what to say 

Sometimes I do sometimes I don’t 

But his puppy eyes make me not want to crush his what I want to say sweet ego 

Probably the same ego that led him to cheat on me…

Bleh that left a bad taste in my mouth

And you guys I know it’s a sin but I still daydream what it’s like to not be with him to spend a whole night with another man..

To spend my days talking, kissing another man

I have no specific man in mind but I do think of it 

But fam bam comes first 

It’s not that I only touch him when I’m in the mood 

I don’t know sometimes he wants to rush things and I’m just not that into him anymore 

Do I want to be? I don’t know?

Do I even care enough about that question? Not really 

He’s not a priority 

He’s fun

He’s handsome 

He’s still my husband 

He’s slowly becoming my friend again 

But he is not the love of my life 

Or even a close personal friend

I wished for years he would be but he threw that away 

Now he’s got a whole new wife 

And he can be here or not.

Choice is his not mine 

Because if I would have really had my way he would have dropped dead or left with her and we would never see him again..

But the world doesn’t revolve around NH and well sometimes I admit I don’t know everything so maybe this way isn’t so bad..

He’s really a great Spanish partner and Co parenter 

I try and thank him for that..

And remember neither him or Kendra is the enemy..

Both are very broken people (no excuses) 

Hurtful people but no enemy of mine

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2 thoughts on “Do you like me?? A question he seems to ask and why do I feel guilty for answering it??

  1. Hello, NH! New reader to your blog here, although I have read all your posts to date. Maybe doing so over a short span of time makes some recurring themes stick out more, but I felt compelled to ask you — have you ever examined the possibility that your relationship with Charles before his affair was pretty dysfunctional and codependent? (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency) And perhaps part of your struggle with expectations/what role can he fill/how you relate to one another/what needs you both meet is actually a struggle between moving out of that unhealthy codependent model as the two of you get healthier yourselves? (Sprinkled with some serious betrayal and trust issues from his actions?) If you haven’t, it’s definitely worth exploring…because you’re going to carry that with you into all relationships…and it will also impact your children’s relationships, too. (Relationship Attachment Theory is the field of study pertaining to this, in case you aren’t already familiar.) Good luck and keep asking questions & growing!

  2. For sure Lee I definitely now see how sadly broken both of us were and still are and how getting healthy isn’t easy or clear on why both is us Bring to the table.
    Thanks for commenting and reading.. I barely ever go back I never know how I will react and testing myself has never worked for me šŸ˜Š

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