Willing..

Am I willing.. do I want to put this all behind me?

I swear I got that idea from many who thought (usually cheaters) that put the past in the past.. start fresh.. start anew..

And I was like fuck that..

Isn’t that how people get into affairs??

I wanted no part in that thought processing scandal..

But lately it’s been on my mind

What does letting it go for me look like.

I’m still pissed.. but do I need to be..

And I feel like the answer is a yes and a no..

I cannot believe in April of 2017 will be coming up faster than I will be ready for it and it will have been 3 years..

I still remember where I was.. when I got the call from the slut called Kendra..

And I remember beating Charles with my laptop screaming I hate you weeks after most of the truth came out.

I can tell you the weather.. I can still feel it if I go back there..

I don’t know how to let go..

I don’t know how to feel about this situation anymore.

I do know that I don’t want to be sin shamer.. someone always pointing out how fucked up Charles was to me.. and hope Kendra never has any friends..

Because really all of that says more about me than them..

What do my actions say about me?

What preaching is going on in my life?

Things on my mind..

Oh and my college algebra mid-term.. ugh..

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One thought on “Willing..

  1. Easier said than done. It will never all be behind you, but you can adjust, adapt to a “new” life. The effort is real & sometimes hard but it’s up to you and only you. No one can do it for you. I recall wanting to make life hell forever, but why? What do I get out of that? Hell, that’s what I get. If I’m putting someone thru hell I’m right there going thru it too and no thanks! I’ve been there, had my fill!! We can’t control ALL thoughts & feelings but we can control how the effect us and how long we hold onto them. Sounds as if you’re closer & more willing to “move on” so that’s a good sign 🙂 baby steps!

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