Sometimes I panic

And I don’t know why 

But there are women who look like Kendra and I see them and I panic

Like I literally have to step away from that person or assess things and go it isn’t her 

It’s okay NH 

But it isn’t really her I’m afraid of I guess more of the shock when I am remembered of her 

I don’t want to remember her 

I want her gone and yet my facial recognition fucks with me and it hurts guys 

And I blame him and her 

I hate that feeling of when she pops up 

I really do 

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7 thoughts on “Sometimes I panic

  1. Hello there, Honey!
    Down to well past the dead line here riding on a temporary legal agreement …waiting for a Divorce settlement to be agreed on…my lawyer says “He moves so slow, don’t expect to hear anything for another month…call me in November if you don’t hear from me…otherwise I will call you right away if I hear anything at all.” Separated since August 28,2015…still waiting…
    AND I STILL get jumpy if I see a person that looks like “her”…I wonder how I would react if I saw her…I know I’m angry at her for being so selfish. Watching my kids go through what they had to, but normally I won’t react the way I think I would in my head. Haven’t seen her since that one time she drove by me…I can say I’ve made progress, but I still have a lot of anger to deal with. Some days better than others…but sucks to be still jilted by things, right? I’m far less moved by things than I used to be but I totally am still affected. All that to say, you’re not alone. Hope you are doing alright…it’s been a while. ❤

  2. Oh how I relate! I don’t think I’m ‘scared’ of seeing her. But there is some anxiety, for sure. Because we are from the same small town, and there are mutual acquaintances, it is always possible. I get social media ‘suggestions’ to ‘add her to my network’ from time to time. Her serial cheating father was at the same cattle sale I recently attended. The one who maliciously started a rumour after the affair was over that she was waiting at his beach house to meet her farmer lover for a summer holiday – when we were in full recovery mode. Nasty man. And I had to sit opposite the bastard for a couple of hours. No shame. He looked me straight in the eye. While I refused to back down from his filthy stare.

    There is a deep feeling of crawl when thinking about seeing the scabby bitches. But they can’t hurt us anymore.

    • I’m so sorry that man was trying to stare you down how awful!
      And I would like to say it’s so true that Kendra can no longer hurt me but good grief Paula when I think I see her I just lose all bearings on the inside or are thin women with boy bodies and I look and think that is what Charles is into… seriously I still get fucked with.. I wish I didn’t not sure how to address this though to get me through it ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

      • Thin, fat, old, young, pretty, plain. It was strange they were into. Anything with a vagina who would give them the time of day when they were sick, lost and weak. Hopefully you will slowly be able to let her go a bit. I understand. It took me five years. And I haven’t ‘let go’ completely. Never will. But I can cope with it better than I did. It sucks is a massive understatement.

        And yeah. He’s an arsehole, her father. Always was. A real creep. No wonder she turned out such a slut. Daddy’s little princess. Just delightful.

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