So boy’s birthday is coming up and well..
I was thinking of ways he would feel happy.. Raising a teenager kind of sucks for me right now, because well… I kinda suck at it.
I loved it when me and the boy had a connection.. now he changes all over the place..
Anyways I was thinking of ways for me to put a part of KS in his room.
And I had our old license plates..
So was thinking maybe I can make him an address painting of where he’s lived.
And then I thought about the first house I bought with my adulterer..
UGH.. that word and associated with me still makes me want to vomit.. seriously..
And I just became furious.. I mean the lack of character Kendra had she’s on her second marriage seriously was he really wanting to be number 3?
Ugh.. sometimes I wonder out of all of us betrayed we’ve been with these people for YEARS sometimes and they just go and lose their dam minds all self-respect..
And I think who the fuck does that? What kind of character does it show? Is character even something Charles was even thinking about and if not? Who the fuck am I with?
And what kind of person have I settled for..!!
And what kind of person am I to even be with a person like that.
And in what had to be the longest shower ever I was like someone I just met off the street may have more loyalty, integrity, than the person I’ve been sleeping with for 15 years!
And then I thought what makes me me? I mean seriously, if I found a wallet full of cash my first thought would be to turn it in. But what made me do that? What makes me, because whether you believe in Jesus or not we get a choice. And the practice of those choices create a pattern of habit.
I always chose honesty, integrity, because I saw what happened to people when they no longer had that, ruin, death.. and not just a physical death.
A mental death and the self-centeredness that never seemed to leave which always made them a victim, or in a position to where they would create a victim.. example, theft, one way ticket to slutville, etc..
I’m angry tonight.. not because I’m with an adulterer.. sure that might be some of it.. but whether questions need to go answered at all.
And how to deal with the anger.. Is this something I need to just lay low and not include Charles..
But really he’s included because when I’m pissed off at him… He can feel it.. He knows..
Or do I just wake him up right now.. and ask..
Did character mean anything to you at all before you slept with her.
The person she was, the person who you were married too, or even you.
And if character didn’t matter did you truly want to be husband number 3?
Have kids with a woman who clearly pushes her kids to the curb, family to the curb, to sleep with a man with a family of his own.. ewwwww.. who wants to be associated with a woman like that?
My husband did, with no shame for two years. Probably did want to be husband number 3 and you know what guys? When I asked him long ago why why do this he said because he didn’t feel loved, or feel that I loved him, and then you know after two years and all he finally did feel like I loved him, so he was over her.. before they were caught. He thinks she left the computer open on purpose for Bob to find. Because Charles truly has an off button he can just shut shit down. Like diet, exercise, not talking to his slut.. not being a slut..
I know I asked him to take the day off.. but as of now.. he should probably go to work on my birthday.. just to keep us both safe..
I have to say year 2 isn’t as bad as year 1 with being with an adulterer.. I am being treated better than ever after 14 years of crap, which really doesn’t make me feel awesome..
Here’s to another day down..