So I carry a grudge over this affair but maybe that isn’t the right word.

Anyways we have been working hard on our homework his classes and mine 

And after we were in bed we were tires but too tired to sleep

And I held him and prayed that calms me down and then we both drifted to sleep 

Holding him feels strange yet good 

Holding him feels familiar and warm 

And the strangeness is all of this is alright lately but that he’s not the man I thought I married and I don’t want to coddle to him like a mother

He’s not my son 

Yet I feel connected to Charles where I don’t feel like his mother nor does he put me in those positions or treat me as such 

So the whole mother worry is my own I don’t ever want to be put in that position so I’m highly sensitive if anything remotely makes me feel that way 

So many aspects seems like that in this marriage where I am the one with the troubles and anxiety 

And him?

He doesn’t seem to have those..

Lucky me I guess 

So odd..


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