Grocery store needs

Before and during affair and after 

NH: Can you pick up (insert whatever) from the store for me 

Charles: Uhhh why can’t you get it? Fine 

After affair 2 years later 

NH: Can you pick up lettuce and shredded cheese

Charles: Sure anything else you need 

Sometimes it happens so often I don’t even think that it’s odd but the times I do remember 

Now it’s laughable..most days

Kendra wasn’t worth this and he knows it now. I always knew it being a liar never pans out for anyone. 

So now he’s changed in that aspect and so much more 

I still don’t have this deep connection with him and I often look at him and wonder how would I feel if he dies. I mean we are at that window affairs, divorces, deaths are coming soon because of our age

A slow death a quick death 

Would I be a weeping widow

I know I would miss him but I think I could move on alright.

Anyways those are my thoughts on this beautiful gray Alaskan day as I have done nothing but stay under the covers on my couch


9 thoughts on “Grocery store needs

  1. I wonder whether your husband has read this blog. Of course he knows that this affair is a big killer. You will never forget this and the family is nearly broken up. He will certainly remember how you end up in hospital because of his stupid affair. I believe that he will continue to repent and care for you as he is called to be the man of the house Lord has commanded.

    I am sure that Kendra is not really remorseful and that is the price Bob will pay forever – it is clearly reflected how she raised her eldest child and had to give away her first grandchild.

    • Betty thanks for being supportive as for her parenting skills yeah I would like to say she sucks as a Mom and Charles is a shitty father but knowing parenting is such a hard task we all do the best we can so I try not to make assessments on parents and the actions of their children however cohorting with my cheater of a husband on the day she goes off to see her granddaughter for the last time yeah that’s low
      And maybe she was in so much pain about it all see sought solace in being an adulterer and sleeping around with a man who doesn’t care about her and who deletes her every night
      All I can say looking back on their affair is she probably really loved him and it’s sad we both swindled but to fall for my husband?? Especially being my best bud and knowing how crappy he can be? Maybe she thought he changed for her or didn’t care being treated like she was a sexting, cheater
      Who knows
      But you are right he killled so much love that I had for him
      I would like to say I hope he does continue his attitude with me and his demeanor but I really don’t care if I am not treated with respect and kindness I have no problem leaving him anymore
      I have no problem separating from him
      The kids would be sad but I’m no longer willing to work with him
      His choices are his
      Mine are mine
      My happiness is my own and doesn’t rely on him or need him
      This year 2017 I plan on doing many new things without him.
      Enriching my life
      I wonder if I will ever get to the point of wanting him or spending time with him like I did before..
      suppose only time will tell

    • I don’t know if he has me back if that could even be a thing. He just is persistent, kind, and attends to me. I feel cared for. Example I used to be so excited to deliver our babies and I was sad when we decided not to have anymore because that meant I would no longer ever have 2 days where someone would bring me water or care for me.
      I didn’t think much about it now.. but it’s so sad how I thought prior to affair like being treated like that was okay..
      But not I’m treated very well and not catered to.. but thought about, my every concern or thought is heard, if I want to talk he is willing to listen..
      It’s all still so very new and astonishing.. also the defensiveness about what I say about his character is pretty much nil and I’m not attacking anymore it’s just facts.
      Say fact: Cheaters are not on board with anything full-time they can’t be.. they can justify they are but in reality (which is where non-cheaters live) they can’t they cannot be attentive parents either.
      Now pre-affair or after affair for a bit.. he would have gotten all defensive to argue his stupid case.. but now he agrees and moves on which shows so much character to me.
      That’s my story.. however I don’t think I’m back. I still don’t see myself with him for the rest of my life. I’m not attached to him, but who knows maybe that’s just time, or God is just letting me take this time to heal and I will move on from him.

      It’s all up in the air but in the best way possible because it doesn’t matter if I’m married to him or not. Did that make sense? I hope it did 🙂 ❤

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