The most meaningful gifts.. Guess I don’t have one..

I used too.

When Glasses (a friend) and Kendra put flamingos in my yard, and Charles baked me a cake right before my infusions for my birthday.. then two months later Kendra and Charles are sexting.. Gosh I hate them sometimes.. not you Glasses.. 🙂

When Charles what I thought finally cared about us spending time together and booked us a trip away after 13 year of marriage, took care of arrangement with kids, that time I enjoyed.. still felt awkward and weird.. with him.. but I just thought it’s probably we’ve never done this before so it’s different.

Little did I know he’s been fucking Kendra for 2 years by then..

Why take me on a trip? I don’t know.. why then.. guilt? Still doesn’t make any sense to me..

Maybe the most meaningful gift is I know my husband was okay for years being a fraud. And he will tell me and anyone else he wasn’t okay with being a fraud.. but to me that’s a default..

For if your not okay with something you will change it. .

Say NH is 220+ lbs.. somedays I’m okay with being overweight other days I’m not. I could change and give up Oreos and sugar but I don’t..

If I wanted to change I could.. but I don’t.. I don’t lie to myself and others posing as if I’m exercising, eating right and am like “I don’t know why I’m not losing any weight”..

Tears are aflowing right now..

I thought my marriage was such a gift..

I guess another meaningful gift is becoming wiser to not fall for disrespect ever from my husband again.. ever..

The gift of me.. maybe that’s the most meaningful..

Who knows..

 

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4 thoughts on “The most meaningful gifts.. Guess I don’t have one..

  1. I personally don’t think your weight has to do with the affair.

    I suspect that Kendra may have rubbed fun of your weight on Charles and make him subconsciously compare you and Kendra.

    Anyway I think it is a blessing that Bob caught it in time. We should pray for Bob. I think he is in worse shape than you as it appears that they are not Christian.

    Wishing you Merry Christmas.🎁

  2. I get it girl! I am having a hard time these last couple days too and its been over 2 freakin years. Am I or are WE ever going to truly let it go?? Yes, I have many more good days than bad but the fact be, it is always still there. The depth of both of our husbands betrayal was a double whammy. That shit hurt! And yet, here we both are, still married, trying, but to live like this, with these type of feelings, till our dying days…eek :/

  3. I am so sorry for your pain, and please know that his affair has everything to do with his flaws as a human and nothing to do with you. I am only four months out and I hate that this is the gift he has bestowed on me. I am happy that you at least are getting some gifts, I too realize now I will never stand for any type of bad behaviour from my spouse, no disrespect, and I will never again chase after him, as I did when we had our separation (I had no idea he was cheating). He cheats again he is OUT, with no discussions.

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