I love you but you are not safe 

I can actually say I love you to Charles and not feel like a fraud 

Because I do love him, I love his body, I love how he is to our kids, I love our family

Now some would say I’m well on my way to reconciliation but I would disagree 

I’m well on my way to not be a betrayed bitter asshole 

That I can stand behind 

Reconciling with Charles as in I want to be married to him?? 

Meh..

Because really I want to be with someone I feel safe with

I don’t feel safe with Charles 

I don’t feel committed to Charles 

I do love him.

Sometimes I want to tell him these things 

And I don’t not for fear of his response he’ll the door is that way and he knows it 

But more because he doesn’t understand.. he thinks her I love you’s mean the same as his..

Which is so strange coming from a man who clearly knows that in this marital arrangement what one says and does can mean a multitude of things 

Especially coming from his end.

But whatevs 

Squish has lice and I always feel like I’m itching!!! 😳😳😳😳

He’s out of town and I’m with the cutest little lice monster ever 

Lice are so gross but it’s a thing here in AK 😢

On to lice treatments, laundry, and life ❤️❤️❤️

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2 thoughts on “I love you but you are not safe 

  1. Comb comb comb! Now you’ve got me itching!

    They never go away, just like all the ruminating thoughts we have. I know what you mean about feeling safe. I do not feel 100% safe either. But I also think I never should have. I wish I had gone into marriage with a healthy dose of reality and knowing that unconditional love is only for our children. That giving so fully ends in disappointment. That expectations need to be curbed. They need to have relationship classes in schools, they really do.

    What stinks more is my wh got all that from me, but didn’t give it. Now get one if those combs from the lice society (I stole mine from the school nurse), much better than the ones from the drug store and comb comb comb. So frustrating.

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