Year 3 is coming for me

Still going to college and I’m on academic probation 

Yeah this college momma got every letter grade besides an “A”

Whatevs this semester will be better

So year 3 is coming for me in 3 months 

Whatever shall I do to celebrate 

I suppose right now I kind of have an opposite thing going on needing to celebrate my freedom from an asshole husband 

Yes I’m still married to him 

However as much as I grieve for the man I had the man I believed in? I don’t grieve for the asshat he was. His condemnation, his whiny behavior, his stupidness, the way he used to make me feel about myself..did I say the punk bitch I used to be married too yeah that sums it up

Now this kid is kissing my belly fat

Asking what I need 

Bringing me water when I need it 

I am being catered to and I LOVE it

Grabbing what I need from the store, making meals

Oh I get the best massages in the morning 

The best.. seriously sooo goood 

He’s no husband of mine

I am still not a fan of being married to him 

It’s super nice, I’m getting my life together 

I don’t want to be married, but I feel like it’s what I chose 

I chose a husband on the worse merits ever 

For the things he did for me and his hot factor

His character was never in question it should have been 

Now it’s too far to turn back

I can’t undo my life 

Or my marriage history

I just have to move forward and abstain from sin, practice grace and forgiveness

Exude who I am who God wants me to be

Married to Charles

I kind of wonder if he is going to die now that I don’t hate him as much 

And I wonder how I would feel

Yes I still wonder about how the lack of his physical presence would affect me 

But lately I don’t seem to have time to dawdle about 

College, side hustles, working out, eating better, art projects, my beautiful darlings, wrestling, Judo

Cleaning house 

all keep me rather occupied 

But I know I will not celebrate the date I foolishly chose the wrong person to marry 

However I want to celebrate my freedom from guilt 

I do not feel guilty when the house is a mess or meals. It prepared 

I want to celebrate that

There are no expectations of any year anniversary 

Although I wonder what I am modeling to my children about the joy of marriage 

Because I no longer want to date him. I did see these cool packages about home date nights and thought them so clever! I wanted one 

But then I was like what for?

What kind of spark would I be pursuing with Charles

Bleh… gives me the creeps

I am looking forward to taking a vacation alone away from him and children

That’s one of my 52 things new I’m going to do this year 

Whether it’s renting a cabin by myself…

Or something I just want to be alone for awhile 

I am learning to celebrate this life of mine 

I am NH with or without Charles 

I still long for a relationship with a man I adore.

Glad I have Jesus or that spot would be empty 

Off to do some dishes and laundry 

Workout for 10 minutes and chill out 😊😊😊


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