Talking with him

Charles conversation skills has heightened since the fall out 

And tonight I am reminded of why it’s better not to talk to him about matters of intellect because he is a double standard.

He will say “NH why are you saying the obvious?” And I will say back to him because I wanted to be clear on what I said and meant.

And he says okay well I know that.

But then states the obvious about us growing and changing saying “We get to choose how we live” and I was like what do you mean by that and how are you able to state the obvious? But me it’s nonsense when I do it?

Not much has changed in the double standard Dept with Charles but that’s okay I’m not surprised not one bit..

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One thought on “Talking with him

  1. We do get to choose how we live. When we get choice. Unfortunately sometimes things occur that are outside of our control. Eg; the person we love and trust betrays us in the most painful way possible. Yes. We choose what happens next. But it takes time, work, and most of all commitment. To whatever path we do choose. We do need to choose something. And stick with it if at all possible. My thoughts are that I got to five years post D-day, committed to trying to mend our connection, love, trust. As much as we possibly could. I knew I would never be the same again. That we could never be as good as we once were. But I thought we were worth fighting for. Until I knew we weren’t anymore. That the damage was too great. That I could never look at him without disappointment. I still love him dearly. He worked his butt off to try to fix what he broke. But for me, the scars were too restrictive. I felt tight and sore. My choice was to let him go. To try to release one of us from the sadness. He says it hasn’t really worked entirely. That he can’t have what he had with me. Or anything close. But he will find someone and make a new life. A good life. He knows that. I will make a good life and I sincerely doubt it will include a SO. I don’t want that anymore. I thought I had my ‘soulmate’ I still think I did. He just got sick for a while and lost himself. Then he lost me.

    We still connect over the same things, laugh at the same things, catch each other’s eye at the same time. We can’t seem to break our bond. And I try like hell!

    The betrayer, no matter how hard they work, how sorry they are, etc, never fully understand that this is never ‘done’. We talk through our feelings forever. We keep trying to put the load down, but it never stays put. My need to reduced when I started blogging, and the blogging is almost non-existent now. HealING is forever, never complete, you are never healEDand looks very different from what we both envisaged at the beginning of my journey, and completely different from what Roger envisaged when he embarked on his affair. He had a very binary outlook. I would stay, or go, if I found out, and whatever I chose, would be the end of the matter. Nope. It never ends.

    Hugs, NH. It is a long and hard journey xxx.

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