I brought some flowers and chocolates to a pal of mine who’s husband is coming home from a deployment.
I wanted to encourage her and support her as her husband is coming home tomorrow
And as I am driving back from said mission I remembered
Being that wife gearing up to bring her husband home. Get the house in shape, get fav foods, and just be.
It’s painful remembering how I loved Charles
I think it always will be
It’s also a painful reminder of time wasted nothing was ever good enough for him anyway.
A reminder of a girl who fell in love with the wrong boy
And I spiral why wasn’t I strong enough, smart enough, confident enough to have seen what a jack ass Charles was??
I wanted to walk away so many times in the beginning of our marriage
Anyways the pain is something I will pray about
While I do miss him i hate to lead him on thinking as if he could be such a significant part of my life
Maybe he will be in time I’m open to that I’m also open to still thinking he will die before me or we will part at a later date
So there’s that
At times like these I remember to revisit who I am and what I’m doing
I am a daughter of the King and am learning to love Jesus and myself
My strengths and character are not tied to my marriage
They never were
I have to remember as the pain comes of living with a backstabber, also the revisiting of who I am and what I no longer ever have to deal with in my life
I will not be put down ever
Or belittled for the sake of a marriage ever
I have to revisit all that I have gained instead on focusing on the lost
I think I’ve moved on from the loss of marrying a coward but more the loss of my sweet 20 yr old self and mismanaging my life and time.
Forgiving myself is the next step in this journey
I can feel it❤❤❤❤