As in not a Facebook status but in life.
Probably a better word complex.
Tonight I broke Squish’s heart she was just spitting on our floor, then lied, then confessed.
I used to hold so many things.
Resentment, regret, anger, over the silliest of things.
I often wonder would I go back? Is this strange ride of being me (frankly it’s always been strange) would I rather be in love with Charles than this?
What we have is like an awkward growth phase.
Like when I thought cutting my hair really short before I got to my first duty station was a good idea. I looked like a frizzed out mushroom.
It seemed like it took forever to grow out and there were more awkward moments couldn’t put it in a ponytail, then I almost could, then I could but I looked like Pebbles from the Flinstones, then it was a strange length because I was afraid to cut it again..
Today I was called mean and I don’t think I was being that particularly, but I apologized because really I wasn’t being nice.
I wasn’t thinking of his feelings.
I wasn’t treating him as if he was a human.
And no matter how hurt I am from Charles, I want to treat him as he’s human.
I remember Rizzo telling me for kicks and jokes she offered for her and I to some food and I said “Oh Charles doesn’t like that” and she was all really who cares what the cheating husband wants to eat. LOL!! Don’t make me paint Rizz in a weird light she loves us both dearly and I never could understand why she cared for Charles at the time. I understand now.
But anyways realistically no one should have to eat crappy food, it’s just how I am.
Even if they are adulterers..
Alright time to organize my desk or look up more recipes for my business, or take a shower.. or do none of the above LOL!!