Orchids

I always remember Bob getting them for Kendra I think he only got her 1 or two. Back then I would have remembered but now memories are just fading as they should 

And Our Safeway here has like a display of them 

I look at them and think of her

3 yrs later I think of her.

Not fondly 

But it’s like I see something and think of her 

I suppose one day my brain won’t make the connection 

I hope so

I suppose it’s nice to know I loved her deeply as well 

And she was not a dime a dozen slut to me to my face anyway 

She watched my kids with kindness 

As far as I could tell

She held my babies gently

While we were going to counseling while they were having sex behind my back 

For the Bible study he followed through but could never fully follow through because he was a fraud 

He still could be 

Who knows 

Anyways I still think of her in the oddest of ways 

Things remind me of her

And I don’t smile like I used to when I thought she was a part of my Mom squad and I don’t grimace and think of her death and I surely don’t spiral like I used to and want to harm Charles or myself 

Growth change moving on 

Not to the cliche of something better

Just moving on 

Day after day hoping I can accomplish dreams, and love on the people I’m called to love 

I remember a time not too long ago where I dreaded the next day

Wondering what is lurking around the corner for me in my own house 

Just given up as well

There is no more of that..

I look forward to another day 

I open my eyes and do not dread the day ahead 

Well most days anyway

❤❤❤

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