I will graduate in 7 years?!! And there’s so much more to life than being in love with your spouse 

Seven years at 1 class a semester 

Dang!!

Little disappointed to say the least but it is all mapped out 

So there’s that..

Also Charles is so insistent on asking how my day went.

Patient, thankful, kind 

Am I being those things?

Not really

I remember how judgemental I was to women who were not completely head over heels with their husband 

I mean why stay? 

Now I know 

Ahhh if being in love with your spouse was all it took to run a family 

I thought that was worth staying 

Nope seeing how happy my family is together 

How my son gets very quiet when the word divorce is heard on TV.

He remembers when his family was almost split apart 

I am finding there is so much more to life than being married than being in love with your spouse. 

I am figuring out how to find love for myself and figure out my daydreams 

How I run this family.

How I will gather our children every year as they age because good grief each one comes with their own thoughts and personalities.

Soon I will be explaining periods to my oldest daughter who is 8. Been talking about sex, drugs, parties, and situations with the boy. Squish will be entering Kindergarten next year.

Marc texted me and asked me about Charles and I. I remember being so smug talking about Charles and telling him I still haven’t figured things out. He said you sure are taking your time. And I said I will take as long as I want 20 years if need be! 

I wonder if Charles is willing to wait that long or if he’s just like me when it comes to our situation financially it’s nice what we have. And our kids are happy. 

And most of the time we are living at peace with one another 

Sooo majority over minority 

I miss the sparkle I used to have for him. However finding the sparkle for me is so much better but harder, more work 

Which is difficult for me but beautiful in a way I never would imagined 

Good night -NH

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6 thoughts on “I will graduate in 7 years?!! And there’s so much more to life than being in love with your spouse 

  1. Just keep ticking away at it, NH. I was 47 when I finally graduated. If I can do it, I know you can. You’ve already proven how resilient you are in SO many ways. And then re-taking a paper. That takes guts! There’s no rush. You’ve got this xxx.

  2. I did my degree part time too. Good luck hon.

    The sparkle is gone from the way I feel about OH too. Some days I struggle to feel anything positive about him. But sometimes, I do feel sorry for him. It must be so hard to be him. To know he singlehandedly destroyed me and our relationship in exchange for fleeting moments of ego-stroking. He claims that he did it because of his feelings of low self-worth. All it has achieved in the long term is him feeling even more self-loathing than before. That, and a partner who has lost the ability to ever say “I love you” again. What a waste!

    Much love. X

    • I can say I love him but I am not in love with him as for Charles I’m not sure he self loathes at all. I think he really has followed our faith and taken this to the Cross so he doesnt condemn himself and knows God forgives him. As for me forgiving him and loving him again he prays for that. I’m not sure how Charles feels about our situation or himself. I am curious to know though.
      Hugs and
      Congrats on getting your degree ❤

  3. I don’t understand how you are in my head all the time, feeling exactly the same way as I do, saying the things I want to say, but can’t/don’t! I wonder every day if I am being truly true to myself by staying. I know I can make myself happy, with or without him, does he deserve for it to be with him?!?!?! Do I deserve better? I have been unable to tell him I love him for a couple of years now, I hope that comes back, but what if it doesn’t?!?!? It certainly won’t be the same kind of love as before. And I agree falling ash, the moments of self loathing which led them to cheat, are worse now… Makes you wonder if it was worth it to them. At the moment it was, but now?

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