Grasping at straws anyone try Affair Recovery EMS online training? 

https://www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-online
Why? NH you ask? 

I don’t know because we are like roomies 

Counseling every week became dull.

I look at him and just see a good looking guy 

Who I am still physically attracted to.

Charles is still super hot to me.

But that’s it 

And I really want to make sure I’m healing well because if or when I do leave him I don’t want to repeat my stupidness in finding someone like Charles or Kendra. No not calling our kind stupid I’m saying I was. I put up with a crappy relationship for too long with Charles and with Kendra I longed for a replacement girlfriend spouse.. she fit the bill however solely being involved with a Mom like Kendra is bad news and woman for that matter. Red flags were there I made excuses for them.

Them both 

I would prefer to learn from my mistakes 

And yes I still view marrying Charles a mistake

This online course is $700 

Why does that feel like I’m being robbed? 

Would you pay that much? I suppose I already have in counseling.

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8 thoughts on “Grasping at straws anyone try Affair Recovery EMS online training? 

  1. Our counselor recommended that program. It’s around $800 for some workbooks and online support. We did the Affair Recovery EMS Bootxamp. Mind you, they make sure to let you know that the program isn’t counseling and is instead “educational”. The bootcamp, supposedly for a crisis, was pretty generic and felt useless. After doing that I couldn’t see spending that much for the program. To be fair, the workbook had some interesting pages. I looked at it in counseling so don’t remember specifics about the assignments.

  2. My alarm bells rang at the last bit. “We won’t shame the unfaithful spouse nor blame the betrayed spouse.” We’ll d’uh! Why would you? It’s kinda like white privilege. Unseen, unspoken, but assumed.

    I dunno. I’m an old cynic now. I clutched at so many straws and spent tens of thousands. At about your stage, I tried Emotionally Focused Therapy. I was really hopeful and excited. And it came to nothing. All stuff I already knew. Roger ended up coming from the second session on. And he learnt about attachment theory, and that he is anxiously attached (depressed mother, come here, go away) whilst I have a secure attachment style. Consistent and loving mother, slightly crap dad. But my mother was central, loving and reliable (I know yours isn’t, NH.) I did think that was interesting as on the surface, Rog is calm, rational, mostly quite measured. And I am fiery. But it is about how you love. And I am all in. 100% boots and all. He obviously never was. He’d dip his toes in and then back off. I didn’t recognise it fully then. Because I thought he was like me. But he never told me everything. There was always a filter. I didn’t know that for 25 years! I told him everything about me. No filter. Assumed he reciprocated. The thing is, he did ‘enough’ to convince me.

    Lol, so how is my novel here helpful? Umm? I guess I am just saying that I tried so many options, and I just feel very wary of these kinds of programmes. But if it’s money you don’t need elsewhere, and you feel it might help, what do I know?

    Arohanui, NH xxx.

  3. It’s been so long, NH, that I think you have all the tools and info this type of thing would give you and that it’s geared more toward the newbies. We’re – you and me – in that weird no mans land where the advice is stale and so is the relationship. Things aren’t bad, but they’re not great. It sucks. I just hit five years and still don’t know if I’ve made the right decision.

  4. The problem is that trust is gone, and without trust, respect is impossible… appreciation for what they DO, perhaps, but not respect. They don’t deserve it because of their behavior; it’s a shatter effect across everything.

    No amount of money or number of courses is going to bring back your trust in and respect for Charles. :/

      • I mean… it’s not like *I* know what it will take; I only know that there’s no course, therapy, or dollar amount in the world that can make a shitty liar a good, trustworthy person who can be genuinely respected.

        It will be a lifelong pursuit, even if he does EVERYTHING right FOREVER. When he’s dead and nothing else comes out of the woodwork, you’ll know for sure. No- not for sure, just mostly. That’s how it is for me.

        In the meantime, I’ll just keep my boundaries erect, solid, and simply *appreciate* the good times we have and things he does.

        But trust? I don’t have that anymore. For anyone. The idea of it is simply gone… it was a faith thing, and misplaced. My trust in many things – by virtue of having it at all – was errant. My “recovery” is only in re-stabilizing myself, again with boundaries, in a world that never deserved it in the first place. I can have *more* trust in some people/things than others but absolute? That was naive.

  5. ya, I feel like its a waste of money at this point. You were betrayed and you feel very strongly about that. I get it. Honestly, I know you have a family and all but I think you are just with the wrong man. Just my opinion. I dont know you in person, so maybe I would think differently, but from what you write…just saying.

  6. I think it’s a waste. The hardest thing to find is a kick ass therapist, or therapists. Not sure where you live, but where I am, you can swing a cat and hit several Harvard trained shrinks. And I’m in a town of 5000 people. So I’m supremely lucky. Plus they’re $25 because of insurance coverage. I’m on my way to mine now – she’s like an emotional chiropractor/drill sargeant and she’s helped me so much. I bring my wh in with me when he can make it. Please don’t waste your money unless you won’t miss it and really want to try. Sending you good juju.

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