Lately I’ve been reading my posts over and I suppose I am confused.
I mean hasn’t there always been 2 options stay or go
But being here in this world seems like I have more
I could stay and more than likely have a mediocre romance with a man who I don’t particularly care for and am not in love with But family stays together
I could stay and I could fall in love with Charles again who knows years, decades, or just stay together until one of us dies plus side I kept my family together
I could leave and my life turns out pretty awesome it will be hard but to have my freedom away from Charles to not have to work on this relationship or care about being married. To not have to wonder am I living a lie again. I created a false world with Charles and I don’t want to find myself in that position again. But the family unit is no longer an option. I will be sharing my children with someone who is at my beckon call now, but won’t be if I divorce him. My children will hate life for awhile or forever.
I could leave and I could not find a sustainable job and be miserable poor without health insurance. Because the market for stay at home Moms is not so awesome. My children would live in another lifestyle and not be happy and their family is uprooted
Rizzo once pointed out to me you can trade your one bag of misery for 4 meaning my kids.
There is some truth there
Also truth is how much I am loving Charles being gone
Glad I’m weighing options
Helps me be not so confused