Lately I’ve been reading my posts over and I suppose I am confused. 

I mean hasn’t there always been 2 options stay or go 

But being here in this world seems like I have more 

I could stay and more than likely have a mediocre romance with a man who I don’t particularly care for and am not in love with But family stays together 

I could stay and I could fall in love with Charles again who knows years, decades, or just stay together until one of us dies plus side I kept my family together 

I could leave and my life turns out pretty awesome it will be hard but to have my freedom away from Charles to not have to work on this relationship or care about being married. To not have to wonder am I living a lie again. I created a false world with Charles and I don’t want to find myself in that position again. But the family unit is no longer an option. I will be sharing my children  with someone who is at my beckon call now, but won’t be if I divorce him. My children will hate life for awhile or forever. 

I could leave and I could not find a sustainable job and be miserable poor without health insurance. Because the market for stay at home Moms is not so awesome. My children would live in another lifestyle and not be happy and their family is uprooted 

Rizzo once pointed out to me you can trade your one bag of misery for 4 meaning my kids. 

There is some truth there 

Also truth is how much I am loving Charles being gone

Glad I’m weighing options 

Helps me be not so confused 


5 thoughts on “Confused 

  1. You can also just reset things… create that safer, second option within the first one. You already are, just more haphazardly. Restructure it purposefully instead. It’s not like your feelings toward Charles will be different, it will just dull the sting of it. Stop focusing on the love – it’s fruitless, exhausting work and has nothing to do with your efforts. Loving someone doesn’t happen from trying. You can show appreciation for his support, if you’d like… but there’s no way to force appreciation into love.

    Use the financial stability as a base to grow from. Imagine, at once, what you would do if you were on your own and then do the things you would have done for yourself and your children. Work toward the independence until you actually have it. Until you leave, it will all be gravy. If you don’t, even more so. ❤

  2. It would be difficult for me to be with somebody I didn’t love…and I sure wouldn’t have a sexual relationship with them. But that’s just me and I had more options than you do. Like the above said, you can show appreciation for his support if you like but you can force it into love. Sigh.

  3. Glad you are thinking about the options you have and how it’s not easy to be a single mom. For me I was going to lose everything if I didn’t leave. The energy it took to try to repair what was lost was stealing from my kids. My kids aren’t “happy” about the divorce but they are happy. For us this was the better option. I have great guys that are interested in me, but “the stars haven’t aligned in that area.” It’s only been 4 months since the finalization of the marriage so I’m ok with not having a serious man in my life…I want to be super careful about the next guy I let into my life and he’ll have to be good with my kids and my family and friends. I’m finding out NONE of my close friends liked my ex…they just excepted him because they loved me. I think it’s wise to wait…I see people meet much better people 2nd time around if they wait and use wisdom…statistics show a lot of people are also unsuccessful. Praying God shows you what is best for you. I say if you have fight in you, continue to fight…wait til you hear from God and you feel He is releasing you…I have peace with my decision because I was given that peace and release. ❤ much love dear sister xoxo

    • I do not know how much the son knows
      We never formally sat him down or talked with him about it. Charles did visit with him about what was going on I do not know exactly what was said
      The girls don’t know they were small when this all went down

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