To forgive once 

It’s work emotional work heartbreaking work 

Someone once told me here it’s mud eating living with an adulterer 

It’s a lot of work to hate Charles and resent him 

It’s a lot of work to think I’m over this time period in my life and have it revisit me again in the weirdest of ways 

Ways I don’t even bring on 

I want so badly to be free of it and it meaning My beloved husband and beloved best friend never were sleeping in my bed together and were honest human beings 

Just to be free of ever thinking about it. From ever remembering it 

Charles recently said something that upset me 

He said “When do you get to take reaponsiblity for what’s happening in our marriage for our relationship?”

And my first reaction is to curse 

My second reaction was I will not take responsibility for this marriage ending. I will initiate the divorce and will move on with my life without having a ownership of this marriage. This marriage is awkward and is nothing what I ever wanted a marriage to be. 

Charles derailed my plans of what I had for us. 

And I could not believe he was Saying that and he was being really slow to explain the words coming out of his mouth 

I am not a fan of a liar reformed slut giving me suggestions about responsibility 

I wonder if I ever will be 

The heartache he caused me will last forever 

Kendra will always be apart of my story which is sad because I don’t want her to be. But she is.. 

im sleepy time for a nap

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One thought on “To forgive once 

  1. Oh, NH – I’m sorry, but it feels like a long time coming. It’s awful Charles said that, but now you know his mind and can start moving forward. Hugs, friend xoxo ~bee

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