I used to pine over gifts for him.
I did not do that this year and feel no guilt in what I gave him.
I thought it was cool.
It was a magnetic flashlight with a hook
I got a diamond bracelet and lip sense! I love me some lip sense nowadays!
Christmas felt so weird
And yet it’s the same
Charles and I argued over gift giving for the kids
We made it work
We bought presents for a family who is having a hard time but I feel like we will do things different next year
My Dad made steak it was delicious
I wonder if its the note I found behind my kids picture that was the last bit of memory left of what my marriage was
It was going to visit Kendra for Jessie’s Birthday with my kids but feeling bad for leaving husband I made him a scavenger hunt
That was my warped reality but it really was me visiting his mistress’s house and his mistress being such a sucky hostess to me.
So the note behind the picture just put me for a spin
I found it because the picture of our adorable middles who were 2 and under 1 at the time the frame had dropped on the floor.
And putting the frame together revealed the note
Ahh I was pretty upset
Why because fuck him! I still get pretty pissed at the both of us
I hate remembering how I loved him and how he meant the world to me.
I hate remembering how hard I worked to look inside our marriage while he did not care what I did with his mistress. But oh he sure played the part of victim husband!
Just thinking about it makes me want to vomit
Anyways he’s on this Keto diet and he’s cooking so that is GREAT
Seriously I love it.
T you asked me about focusing on what me and Charles have now.
To focus on that.. it’s been interesting reading your take on matters and mine😊 So Happy for you and baby❤️❤️❤️ and your relationship with the hubs
Mine is still so conditional but on my terms
Charles is handsome, kind, a good Dad but doesn’t make my heart skip a beat he’s just a male
I enjoy his companionship in areas of our kids, our church
But I’m not in love with him right now at least and I know that fluctuates with me.
Which means the love I have for him is conditional. Not real lasting love
There are no better offers on the table😂😂😂
So I choose to stay
I’m thankful for my family
For a husband who claims he isn’t a coward anymore and no longer will put our family in jeopardy for his selfish needs.
For his involvement with the kids.
For my love for my Savior Jesus Christ
For learning about myself and finding me…
Merry Christmas everyone and here’s to 2018