The type of Me

Sometimes I look at Charles and think maybe?

Can I enjoy being in his company?

Could I love him again?

He’s still amazingly handsome.

And I find that finding myself is quite hard for me.

Understanding myself in ways of is because he’s handsome what does that say about me?

Do I want to fall in love again with him is that something I am interested in?

Before it came so easy

The infatuation the covenant I chose

Now not so much

Lately I have been visiting my past with him in my mind and rewriting it is hard

He was never the man I should have married

He never loved me

He was not the man I thought he was

He never believed in us and adored me as a wife.

He never was committed to our family

He was a disgrace of a husband and I a disgrace as a woman. I was disrespected and rejected and accepted that behavior. I allowed him to treat me in a manner I do not even tolerate from others. And her? She was a wolf in sheeps clothing and she gave me the attention I desired because I had such a sad marriage.

And while that hurts accepting it the hurt doesn’t take my breathe away like it once did.

And realizing the sadness of a woman I once was and why I did what I did

Why I thought his love was love Why I thought she was a friend

Also giving myself grace for me as a young woman and not seeing my younger version as a disgrace.

For looking at me and forgiving myself

For reconciling with myself and God 😊❤️

Finding me has been so hard but rewarding…

I suppose just being on the journey to realize the daughter of the king I am…

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