Wasn’t I just bashing Charles after her first birthday for forcing her to eat cake drunk as a skunk?
I wanted to hit him so hard..
Not in front of the kids..
Now I am torn
Tomorrow is a day of reckoning and peace
I am no longer a Mom of a small child or baby
No longer home-schooling
I am just plain ole me kind of dreading tomorrow morning
I’m going to miss her
And I treated her like a nuisance on some days
Where I just wanted my space and now she will be gone along with her brother and sisters
And you guys my heart hurts
And I think of all the times I didn’t play with them or did I love them enough?
And that awful R word comes in regret
You know that word I associate with marrying Charles 😂😂😂😂
I’m going to miss her..
I really am and thinking about missing her makes me miss all of them
And my heart is overwhelmed
Their chubby faces how I wasn’t the kindest Mom how I didn’t protect them and how I wanted to leave them
I really could use a partner right now
Someone who built this life with me and wasn’t a former backstabber
Anyways lunches have been packed and crockpot steel cut oats are simmering for morning
I’m not ready to say goodbye to bouncy houses and not having a little one at home
And yet I am all at the same time
Oh friends I didn’t plan on this hurting as much as it does
Now off to take a shower and close my eyes