my relationship with Charles is always evolving before affair and after. I used to know what we were or how I felt about him…
Nowadays its up in the air and now after almost 5 years
I feel nothing for the man. Like literally I have no sexual interest or desire for him.
I told him too while we discussed our relationship.
I try not to text him because it feels so icky that was his and Kendra’s thing and I have no desire to be that or fulfill that need for him.
Usually telling or opening up to him made me feel closer to him but this last time it was just facts.
He still wants to make this marriage work.
I just plan on riding this marriage out until one of us dies 😂😂
Seriously like I’ve always said before there is so much more to life than being with your soulmate or being in an intimate relationship. It’s the conclusion that I came up with is that Charles and I are in a loving relationship but not an intimate one.
I don’t desire that from him because he hurt me and while he wants one with me I’m not sure that will ever happen
He told me this ball and chain isn’t going anywhere and I said good thing Jesus can break every chain 😂😂😂 a little fun Christian humor
I don’t want to fight for our marriage but I will fight for our family.
I will also fight for myself
To honor the Daughter of the King I am and Charles never deserved me and I was such a foolish girl to believe I was lucky to be with such a guy.
Because I didn’t think Charles was lucky to have me. Not sure why I just always remember thinking I’m so fortunate to have him but he never felt the same or treated me like that. And I never treated myself like that either.
I applied for a job and I hope I get it. It’s working with homeschooling families schedule is flexible and it will be pretty exciting to join the workforce again 😊
And make my own money well earn my own money
I might plan on getting a separate bank account but definitely want to start saving and stashing away money in my name and on my own.
I will advise my children to have their own bank accounts aside from their spouses.
And will not take no for an answer
I doubt that would have stopped Charles from sleeping around but it would have given me a cushion to leave him for awhile.
Obviously he needed to figure out his life more at the few D-days that came to pass.
So anyways as for now I’m getting things ready in my house. I think I plan on getting back into aviation and doing work on helicopters. But that is a few years out. The boy will be graduating soon. And my girls need their Momma so we will see what the future holds I do know
I am happy to be alive. I really do have a nice life besides having a cheater for husband and yup he will always be that to me.
I mean Judas is forever known as the betrayer of a Jesus. He was sorry he did it and it’s been years since then but he already etched that on his legacy. And that is what is etched for mine with Charles.
One day he will be gone and I probably will miss him but for now it’s pretty much Charles got friend zoned and how long he will be there is probably up to him.
He offered a full body massage last night and I didn’t get one.
Ugh would it kill him to follow through or even mention it??
I would even take sorry hun you came downstairs too late and I’m tired but nope in good old Charles fashion he never mentioned it
Anyways there’s my take
I still cry
I still hurt
But it isn’t all the time anymore
For that I’m thankful
Till Next Time