Still mourning

Bob said something to me in the very beginning of this about almost 5 years ago

He said he saw something that was relevant and said

You don’t get to punch me in the face and tell me when to stop bleeding

I Was catching up on my show of a million little things and oh the crying

If you haven’t seen the show it’s a tear jerker anyways on this past episode the friend looks at his best friends grave and says I never got to say goodbye so goodbye

And the show ends

But for me the thoughts are reeling..

Maybe thinking about my husbands death isn’t healthy I have no idea but to me you guys

The guy I loved?

The guy I couldn’t get enough of?

The guy who I thought was the most attractive guy in the world (yes there wasn’t another for me)?

He died the day he played footsie Dec 31, 2011

I didn’t know it and playing catch up even after 5 years still makes me sad. Saying goodbye to my husband the one I adored has been tough (yes even if I adored an asshole)

I also miss being pain free. Looking at him sometimes brings a pain still even 5 years later that I can’t always describe

This pain is ever evolving it would seem

Your blog comes to mind Krazykat of just be kind

Charles and Kendra never had to talk to me or be near me but they both chose to be

When the cards came crashing down Bob texted Charles to say stay the fuck away from his wife and day of reckoning was coming for me but did my coward husband do anything?

He just couldn’t be kind

But now oh you guys I’m married to the what would seem the kindest cheaterfucker ever

I want something it happens

It’s like I’m in American Beauty where the guy catches his wife cheating on him and he says you don’t ever get to tell me what to do again ever !!

You think that would appease the hurt, the heart but it doesn’t


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