Who exactly are we talking about?

Me: I just call myself me.

Mark or M: my husband who was unfaithful

Many names for M’s AP: Sally, S, Ice Queen, Faker, Kendra, Kendra the Bitch, Kendra the Backstabbing Bitch: the ex- best friend who slept with my husband

Bob: Sally’s husband who could have been named superamazingstudmuffin but I vetoed that idea it was too long 🙂

Rizzo: a wonderful mentor and friend who has called me consistently and invited me over daily, if not every other day to make sure I wasn’t becoming a frog in a pot and driving myself crazy.

Frenchie: another great friend who takes my calls and let’ s me interrupt her day with my hour long rants and raves and gets me to see that M and my marriage is not a complete waste of my life

Books: this lady and I share our passion for books and has continued our friendship while she is finishing her Master’s traveling between states while I have mental breakdowns

Glasses: A mutual friend between S and I.

Erin: A good friend who I’m becoming closer to.

Thorn: A blogger pal





12 thoughts on “Who exactly are we talking about?

  1. I just found your posts today.
    Really good to read as i am in a hurt frame today.
    4 months ago I discovered that my husband of 35 years and my best friend had been having an affair for 10 years.
    We are trying to make our marriage work again. He is been totally honest and truthful now. He is utterfully remorseful and does not like himself very much for what he did. I still love him, and now i have the ingredients of adoration and love that was lacking before, so it seems to me to be worthwhile trying to continue together.
    The trouble is that I still hurt so much. Most days now I am better, but I wish that I had died before my life, my perception of reality, my love and trust was shattered. I has suspected him of an affair many times over the last 10 years but never realised that it was ongoing or with my friend. How could they both lie like that. How could she share my confidences and pretend to care about me and our children. How could she threaten her children’s happiness like that?
    she tried to get him to leave me. She wanted to leave her husband for him and for him to leave me. He would not. He said that he could never leave me (guess that shows that he did really love me but just had no respect for me or his vows)
    i do get angry, but mostly i just hurt.

    • Wow.. 10? shit.. I think she really thought my husband loved her.

      So sad who would want love from a cheating, fraud of a man like mine? I was married to him and knowing what I know now don’t even want it!!
      But she thought he loved her.. ick..
      And who would want to love a trifling slut stay at home Mom like herself..

      It’s beyond. I’m o sorry hurting. I get the hurt I am going to just stake my claim at 8 months out now and it still has not gotten better I think 1 good day out of months with this asshat doesn’t seem worth it.. I’m glad you are getting better in your marriage and want to stay even at 4 months out.

      I still wish to die, but know I can’t. Unless the Good Lord takes me and I pray he does. I’m not going all kill myself again.I can’t

      I’m so sorry this has happened to you. I think the years just does it in for me. He was with her for years, choosing to have sex with her for years, talking behind my back with her for years.

      Fucking jerk.. and let me believe his love for me and our family, let that bitch manipulate and lie to me and pretend that she loves our kids..

      Thanks for sharing your story with me hurting I look forward to reading more about you since you and I have similar stories.

      Email me anytime 🙂

      • Thank you. Just found your reply. Think i did not press the right buttons or something.
        We really are in a similar situation. She was my bridesmaid. I was her maid of honour!
        As families we spent holidays together. All celebrations together. Also just games evenings dinners etc. Also was a close group with one of my sisters and a couple of other friends -all of which she had met through me. My children …All 4… are now all adults. As are her 2. My youngest 2 spent a lot of time with her youngest. They are all very good close friends. And yes… she pretended to love them.
        In fact it seems as if a lot of the daily emails and the weekly coffees the cheaters had were spent talking about the kids. Can you believe it!!
        her husband does not yet know. I don’t want the children to know as I think that they will not want to have anything to do with him and they all have a really good relationship with him at the moment.
        Also I think that the youngest 2 will be so devastated as it all occurred while they were in their teens as so they will have the same question in of reality that I am coping with.
        No one suspected anything. As I said we all spent so much time together would be on holiday for 2 weeks or so and there was never a hint.
        my husband was determined that no one would know.
        However I knew that something was going on that he did not love or desire me totally. Yet in every other way we get on so incredibly well. Which is why I am trying to stay with him.
        was makes me really angry is that over the years I withered up. Very unhappy. No joy in life. But the snake blossomed and bounced and was a joy to be with. So very very happy.
        I get so angry when I think of how I confided in her re husband problems. Sex problems etc. All of which she used against me.
        I don’t really categorise my friends as best etc. But she was the one that I spent the most time with and with whom I confided in most.
        I am so very very lucky that I have wonderful sisters and some really terrific friends.friends from childhood . Friends from teenage years …other than the snake. Friends from later adulthood. They are fabulous people who have been a real support. But i am trying not tell everyone. Don’t want it to get out for children’s sake and also don’t want them all to despise him. My husband and I were together for 7 years before we were married. We have lived a life together. Really part of each other. He sees now how he was just a self centered bastard. He thought he could have an affair and if none knew there would be no harm. But obviously I knew … hence depression etc.
        Also he got tangled up and thought he loved her. Romantic love. He had been trying for the last 4 years to end it. Did not tell her. He thought it would just peter out. He would not plan meetings for sex and try to not have them . But she would say that he could make time if he wanted to and be all upset. Then do her little I can’t carry on like this. This is not going anywhere act and breakup with him whereupon he would email her till she relented and went back. Could not help herself. … suppose she did not think of blocking emails. .sort of portrays b herself as a betrayed maiden. She was a fifty year old married woman with children!!
        told me she feels so incredibly hurt and betrayed. Really thought that they would end up together one day.
        I think that she must have always been jealous of me of my husband. Did not think hers good enough for her and wanted mine. They exchanged emails.. flirty ones with sexual connections and met for coffee for a few years before the emails started getting regular and ranchier. Planning for my birthday and for our 25 wedding anniversary. Then while on holidsy managed a soul to soul etc. And she thought she had him. Saw the enail from about thst time and ut is teally sickening. Little poems like a yoing maid questioning his intentions with her etc. Shakespearean style.
        then the sex started. The sex had been going on for 9 years when I found out. But I count the length as 10 as that is when they started the emotional affair.
        I understand that we had drifted apart romantically. The problems in our marrow ere both our fault. The sad thing is we were both lonely and felt unloved and unappreciated. The way he dealt with it was bad.
        Think I can forgive that though. But find the time length very hard to get over. And don’t think I will ever forgive her. Would not want anything to do with her ever again. But would like to somehow forgive just so I can get over it. Stop the awful visions of them having sex. At least they never did it in either of our homes. Never spent a night together. Was pretty sordid sex. In parks cars and beaches.

  2. I wanted to extend a big hug to you. As I am amember of this fucked up club as well and know how much pain you are going through. For me finding out how long was as bad if not worse than initial discovery (at least 10 years of 20 year marriage.) You will find love and support to help you through some of the hurt and pain. I am so sorry that this has happened to you. Be strong dear lady!

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